


I Would Go to the End of the Earth (for You)

by Requin



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: AU Argentina, Adoption, F/F, It's a quest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24664993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Requin/pseuds/Requin
Summary: “Just like that? What if he’s on the other side of the world?”Charity looks down and she smirks a little deviously. It’s very attractive.“Then we go to the other side of the world.”To finalise Johnny's adoption, Charity and Vanessa embark on a quest across Argentina.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 87
Kudos: 240





	1. Emmerdale

1\. Emmerdale 

The chemo ward is empty save for Vanessa when Charity looks in through the hallway window. 

She’s blow-dried her hair and worn a suit, because the conversation they need to have feels momentous. Life changing. And Vanessa likes this suit on her.

The words that she yelled at Vanessa still ring in her ears. She played them back a thousand times overnight, cramped on Chas’s sofa. “I want him. I love him. He’s my kid.” All true. She wants him, little Johnnybobs, with his sticky kisses and his obsession with books. 

In the car ride over to the hospital, she bolstered herself up with Chas and Rhona’s words. How Vanessa thought Charity was an excellent mother, which meant she needed her head examined (Chas). How Vanessa and her were perfect for each other (Rhona). How this was all just a painful misunderstanding. 

Right then, she thinks as she squares her shoulders, time to sort it then. 

Vanessa is looking towards the outside window, her brow pinched and her skin pale under the harsh light. She looks small and sad. Charity’s heart twists a bit. 

“Hey.” 

Vanessa’s head swirls around and her mouth opens a little. 

“Hey.” 

The visitor’s chair is uncomfortable but Charity barely registers it as she sits and takes Vanessa’s hand in hers. 

“You came?” Vanessa asks with teary eyes. 

“Of course I did, you daft mare.” 

Charity wins a wet chuckle, and that’s a victory already. 

“I am so sorry, Charity,” Vanessa starts in a broken voice. 

“No, none of that. I’m the one who’s sorry, yeah? I acted like a right cow. You-you asked me the most important question in the world, and I bollocksed it right up.” Vanessa opens her mouth but Charity holds up her free hand. “Wait. I need to say this. I am terrified of you dying, Ness. And I let my stupid fear ruin things, but I promise you. Promise you on my life that I want Johnny. I would take a bullet for that kid, alright? He’s-he’s my kid, has been for a while.” 

It feels so good to let it all out after days of confusion and anger. It’s like a tight ball has loosened in her chest and she can breathe freely again. 

Vanessa is looking at her like she’s truly seeing her for the first time, eyes wide and mouth stretched in a wide smile. 

“He is?” She asks in a trembling voice. 

“Yeah. He is. Same as the others,” Charity replies firmly. 

And it’s true. She’s rarely been more sure about something. 

“Adopt him.” 

For an insane second Charity thinks Vanessa actually-

She looks deadly serious. 

“Wha-? Ness, I-“

“Adopt him. Johnny. He’s yours. I think so, you think so. He thinks so. He calls you mummy, Charity! You look after him when he’s sick, you pick him up from nursery, you play with him for hours on end, you’ll read him the same story a thousand times if it makes him happy. And the way he looks at you. He loves you. So much. And I was a fool for not realising how much you want this.” 

Vanessa is all fired up, eyes blazing and hands clenched. Charity sits, stunned. Unable to process what Vanessa just said. Adoption. 

“You want me to adopt Johnny? Legally?” 

“Yes.”

“But then I’d be his parent. Legally.”

“Yes that’s the idea Charity,” Vanessa says and it sounds so fond that Charity’s heart grows two sizes in her chest. 

“Really? Are you really sure, because I-“ To Charity’s horror her throat closes up and she chokes on her words. Her vision goes all teary and she has to grab the armrest of the chair to ground herself. “I would love to. Yes, please. Yes.” 

All her kids were thrust on her, and some she didn’t even have a say in the matter. She loves all her kids fiercely but she never chose to have any of them. Not consciously. And here is the love of her life trusting her with her son, wanting her to parent with her. 

Vanessa laughs through her tears and they must look like right nutters, crying and smiling and clutching at each other around the IV. 

At age 43, Charity Dingle has chosen motherhood for the first time. 

First they sign the guardianship papers. That’s the most immediate thing that needs to happen. It’s surprisingly straightforward after the trials and tribulations of the past year. Three sheets of paper, signed and dated, and Charity becomes Johnny’s guardian. 

The months pass. Vanessa focuses on her chemotherapy treatment. Every two weeks she spends two hours with a deadly bag of drugs stuck into her chest. 

Charity never misses one session. 

Adoption takes a back seat to Vanessa getting better. While chemo is rough, Vanessa likes to think that knowing Johnny is safe is helping the drugs along, making them more effective. She definitely feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. As if sorting her affairs has made her unafraid of death and more eager for life. 

Three months after the start of her treatment, she goes in for a scan. Her skin is almost translucent at this point. Her cheeks are hollow. She’s lost weight and her hair has thinned. 

Charity has to help her out of the car when they arrive at the hospital. She insists on walking to the radiology ward. Smiles when she hears Charity mutter “stubborn mule.” 

Her consultant welcomes them into her office once the scan is done. She eyes Charity warily, which makes Vanessa laugh despite her nerves and the tension in the room. 

Once they are all seated, she grabs Charity’s hand, comforted by her presence. 

“I’ve reviewed your scan and I’m so pleased to say that you are all clear.” 

Charity makes an odd strangled sound and turns to Vanessa with tears in her eyes. All clear. All clear. All clear. The consultant is saying other things, but Vanessa can only focus on Charity’s eyes, on the happiness there, the relief that bleeds out. 

“It’s gone?” Vanessa asks shakily. She has to make sure. 

The consultant softens and nods. “Gone. There is no indication of any cancerous cells.” 

Vanessa gasps and buries her head in her hands. All these months. All the pain and the stress and the sleepless nights. She shakes and cries and takes solace in the warmth of Charity’s arm around her shoulders. 

“I want to see you in 6 months for a review, but you are cancer free Vanessa. Congratulations.” 

She dimly hears Charity thanking her in return, something about her never having to pay for a drink at the Woolpack. 

It’s over. 

Charity kisses her long and hard against the car. 

When they get home, there are sparklers and cake and a banner. Marlon brought food from the pub and all her friends and and family are here to celebrate with her. 

“I thought this time a big party would be just the thing,” Charity says from behind her. 

Vanessa nods with a smile through her tears and the party starts in earnest. 

It’s only when she looks around the living room full of people laughing that Vanessa realises how much her cancer affected them. 

Noah gives her a kiss on the cheek, beetroot red, and whispers “I’m so happy”. Tracy drinks too much and hugs everyone. Rhona cries throughout the evening and only calms down when she cuddles with Eve and has something else to focus on. Paddy knocks back whiskey after whiskey, so relieved he’s sweating, and Chas lets him until he falls asleep on the sofa. In a corner the boys play together, more boisterous than usual in the euphoric party atmosphere. Even aloof Sarah stays at Vanessa’s side all night. 

Vanessa laughs and drinks and smiles more that she has in weeks. It feels good to let go and to share with the people she loves. 

In bed that night after they turn off the light, Vanessa turns to Charity and holds her tight and whispers “thank you” over and over again. Her words dampen Charity’s neck. She can’t let go of Charity’s body. They kiss and kiss again, lost in each other. 

As with others times during the last few months, Charity is gentle. But she is more intense and focused. She seems to want to devour Vanessa whole. And it makes Vanessa forget how self conscious she is about her hair, her weight, her skin. She feels precious but also strong under Charity’s hands. 

When Charity slithers down her body, Vanessa doesn’t stop her. That level of intimacy doesn’t scare her anymore. Charity checks with her every step of the way. After every kiss lovely given to her belly, her hips, her thighs, she looks up and whispers “ok?”. It reminds Vanessa of their first time. Then too, Charity had asked for permission every time she did something new. It feels Vanessa with a deep sense of safety and love. 

“God, Charity,” she whines when Charity spreads her legs and dips her head between them.

Because Charity is so very good at this. She always was. She reads her so well. Vanessa can only hang on to her shoulders- never her hair because Charity doesn’t like it, and let go. She gives into the pressure building at the bottom of her spine and arches her back when she comes with a strangled gasp. 

“I love you,” Charity whispers against her sweaty thigh. 

It’s the last thing Vanessa hears before she falls asleep. 

The topic of adoption reappears a few weeks later. It has slipped Vanessa’s mind in the whirlwind of her recovery. Summer is a busy time at the vets and the boys need constant entertainment during the holidays. The pub is packed with punters enjoying the beer garden, and Charity slips home exhausted most evenings. 

It’s an unremarkable Tuesday night. Charity has just showered after a busy shift, wincing at the smell of beer in her clothes. “Rowdy ramblers” she’d said before going up. But now she’s back, smelling of her coconut shampoo and in the soft cardi Vanessa got her for her birthday. She joins Vanessa on the sofa, accepts a glass of wine with a tired smile. 

Vanessa snuggles into her with a content sigh. There are crickets outside chirruping into the damp night time heat. She’s just thinking about getting some chocolate out when Charity takes a breath. 

“I think we should move ahead with Johnny’s adoption.” 

The crickets seem to stop chirruping. Vanessa looks up, stunned. She’d thought Charity had forgotten after all these months. But her eyes are as determined as when she shouted across the room that she loved him. 

“I looked into it. On the website. And it says we need Kirin’s approval.” 

Charity is matter of fact, but the words send Vanessa reeling. Of course they need Kirin’s approval. She hadn’t thought of that, or of what the procedure would actually entail. 

“He basically needs to sign his parental rights away before I can adopt Johnny.” 

The enormity of it suddenly overwhelms Vanessa. No one knows where Kirin is. She hasn’t heard of him in over four years. He never contacted them. Never tried to reach out to Johnny. The whole thing seems doomed before they even started. 

Her chin on Vanessa’s head, Charity is still talking. 

“So what I’m thinking is we ask Priya if she knows anything, maybe through Rakesh. And then we go and find him and get him to sign.” 

She makes it sound so easy, so achievable that it reassures Vanessa and makes her calm down. 

“Just like that? What if he’s on the other side of the world?” 

Charity looks down and she smirks a little deviously. It’s very attractive. 

“Then we go to the other side of the world.” 

Priya doesn’t know much and it’s clear she doesn’t want anything to do with either Rakesh or Kirin. 

“Look, all I know is that Kirin sent Rakesh a message asking for money. He said he wanted to get to South America and hide out there, and needed 20 000 pounds,” Priya says with her arms crossed against her chest, her lips pursed. 

“Right. Where in South America?” Charity asks. 

Priya shrugs and looks down. Vanessa has to put a hand on Charity’s arm to prevent an outburst. 

“Anything would help, Priya. We just need to talk to him. About Johnny,” Vanessa says softly.

Priya looks up, eyes concerned. 

“He’s ok. We want Charity to adopt Johnny and…” 

“And Kirin needs to approve,” Priya finishes for her. She sighs and nods. “Fine. A few months after the message Kirin sent, Rakesh got a postcard. It wasn’t signed or anything but it was from Buenos Aires and it just said something like “I’m fine”. It had the name of a hostel on it, like he’d bought it there. I remember the name because it wasn’t in Spanish. Art Factory or Art Foundry.” 

Vanessa feels a surge of relief bloom in her chest. They have something. A start. She thanks Priya profusely and even Charity nods her head.

“There’s a bottle of wine with your name on it next time you’re at the pub,” she offers. 

“Thanks. But are you going to…head out there to find him?” Priya asks. 

Vanessa nods, more sure about this than she’s been with anything. 

“What do you think he’ll say if you do find him?” 

“I don’t know. But Johnny deserves a second parent that loves him and is there for him,” Vanessa replies looking right at Charity. 

Charity laces her fingers with hers and tugs a little. 

“I hope you find him, then. Good luck.”

They are certainly going to need it, Vanessa thinks as they get back into the car. 

Next on their list is to sit all the kids in the living room. Johnny and Moses squish together next to Noah, their current favourite person. Noah sighs and rolls his eyes, but he still makes some space and tickles Johnny until he squirms away, breathless with laughter. 

Vanessa looks at all of them and smiles. Sarah is on her phone until Charity clears her throat pointedly. Ryan puts his away hastily. Vanessa grabs Charity’s hand for support. 

“Right, so…” 

“Is the cancer back?” Noah asks in a small voice. 

All of them sit straighter, even the boys. Vanessa’s heart thuds in her chest. 

“No! No, I’m fine, I promise. No, this is happier news. At least we think so,” she says while looking at Charity with soft eyes. Charity looks right back with a smile. “And we wanted to know what you all thought before we actually did it.” 

“If it’s another wedding I’m going to need a new dress because it’s the summer now,” Sarah pipes up. 

“Oh my god will you all just shut it for one bloody second?” Charity yells. 

They all smile and the tension bleeds out a little. 

“We want Charity to become Johnny’s other parent,” Vanessa announces. 

There’s a beat of silence. Vanessa panics, crestfallen when no one says anything, 

“But…she already is, no?” Noah says after a confused second. 

Vanessa laughs with relief. 

“Well, yes. Unofficially, though. We want to make it official. Your mum would adopt Johnny,” Vanessa explains. 

“Oh,” Noah says softly. Vanessa waits with bated breath and Charity is so tense next to her she might break Vanessa’s hand. “That’s…that’s so cool.” 

“Yeah? Really?” Charity asks, her voice wet with tears. 

“Yeah, I mean he already kind of is a brother so might as well make it official.” 

“Yeah and I could do with another uncle. My family tree was looking a little too simple,” Sarah snarks, but she’s smiling too. 

Ryan turns to Johnny and gives him a high five. 

“What do you say little man? You want Charity to be your mummy?” He asks. 

Which is when Vanessa realises they should have talked to Johnny on his own. Charity’s wide eyes tell her she’s thinking the same. 

“She is mummy. Mummy Charity,” Johnny says very seriously. 

Moses nods. Completely unfazed. Vanessa thanks the adaptability of toddlers. 

“Ok then,” Charity says, her voice sounding a little strangled. 

“Let’s do it.” 

Vanessa gives them two weeks. Two weeks to find Kirin and convince him to sign his rights away. Every time she stops to think about what they’re doing and she falters, she looks at Charity and resolve finds her once more. Together they can do this because together they are unstoppable. 

“Right. So, let’s look at flights,” Vanessa says one night with her laptop in front of her.

She spends a few minutes browsing on a price comparison site, and her heart sinks. The flights are expensive. She turns to Charity next to her on the sofa but Charity is already looking at her. 

“You know we have money, right?” Charity says. 

Vanessa scoffs. No, they don’t. They have a million kids and expenses coming at them like horses at the Grand National. 

“From the thing. That we don’t like to talk about,” Charity continues in a knowing tone. 

The casino. Right. Vanessa might have purposefully forgotten all about it along with the ensuing bruising break up. 

“Look, babe, I know how you feel about it. But I got this money for us to have a better life. For our family to have a better life. Let’s use it for this.” 

Vanessa mulls it over. 

“That way some good can come out of the whole mess.” 

Charity is almost on her knees at Vanessa’s feet, her eyes earnest and true. 

“Please, Ness.” 

Vanessa thinks back to all the times Charity was there for Johnny. The way she holds him. How eager she is to adopt him. How determined. She rubs away an ache in her chest, yearning for the same thing. 

“Ok. You’re right.” 

The smile Charity gives her in reply is reward enough. 

They make arrangements. The boys with Tracy. Debbie coming down from Scotland to look after Noah and Sarah. The pub in Chas’s hands and the vets with Rhona accepting to cover for Vanessa with good enough grace. 

It’s starting to feel very real, this whole affair, Vanessa muses as she gives Rhona handover notes. 

“Hey. It’s going to work out,” Rhona says after Vanessa stays quiet too many times. 

“It is? We’re not crazy?” 

“No. You’re not crazy, Ness. You’re looking out for your family and your future. For Johnny,” Rhona says with a gentle smile. 

“It just feels so…” 

“Overwhelming?” Rhona guesses. 

Vanessa laughs and nods. “Yeah.” 

“Well, you’ll be with Charity. She’s tough and smart. If I could choose one person to find a fugitive on another continent, I would choose Charity Dingle.” 

With these words playing in her mind, Vanessa heads towards the Woolpack. She does feel safer with Charity. There’s always been something larger than life about her. She’s proven a thousand times over that she can deal with the worst things in life. Things that Vanessa can’t even imagine. To have her by her side is a massive boost of confidence, not only in this but every day. 

She can’t help but smile when she sees Charity behind the bar doing a crossword. It looks so familiar and normal and after months of upheavals it acts like a balm to the heart. Charity looks up and smiles at her. She vows to cherish every moment from now. 

The evening of their departure, all the kids line up at the door like the servants of Downton Abbey to see them off. The atmosphere is a bit odd, half festive as if they were off on a normal holiday, and half somber in honor of the reason they are going. 

Noah gives them a few packets of crisps for the journey to the airport and he mumbles an embarrassed goodbye. The boys launch themselves into Vanessa’s arms, all snot and tears until Tracy promises them hot chocolate. 

“Be good,” Vanessa says, a little teary herself. “All of you,” she adds while giving a look to Noah and Sarah. They roll their eyes and Tracy hits them on the arm. 

In the taxi to the airport, Charity holds her hand tight. The lights blur at the window. She might be crying. 

“Hey. They’ll be fine.” 

Vanessa sniffs and nods. “It’s just…I’ve never been away from him for this long.” 

“We’ll video call every night. It’s only a 4-hour difference.” 

“You’ve researched this,” Vanessa realizes as they zoom along the M1. 

Charity’s confident smirk is back. “I did. I’m full of surprises, me.” 

On the plane while everyone sleeps, Vanessa looks at photos of Johnny. There is more of Kirin in him now. Around the brow and the jaw. She hopes he won’t inherit any of his worst traits. 

Next to her Charity sleeps the sleep of the dead. She charmed the flight attendant into free glasses of champagne even though they are in Economy. 

In sleep Charity looks soft. Vanessa traces her cheekbones with a careful thumb. This complex creature, this wonderful woman, this enigma of a human being, is flying across the world to fight for her son. Their son. She’s never been more in love with her. 

The pilot announces their descent. Vanessa blinks awake. She’s slumped against Charity, nestled in the crook of her neck. At the window a huge bay comes into view. 

“This is it, babe,” Charity says, wide awake and seemingly refreshed even after the 13-hour flight. 

“Yeah, this is it.” 

And just like that, they land in a country they’ve never been to before. To find a man that doesn’t want to be found.


	2. Buenos Aires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quest continues!

2.Buenos Aires

It’s hot. Really, really hot. November in Buenos Aires is almost the start of summer and that means temperatures approaching 30 degrees and humidity that frizzes Charity’s hair. 

The hotel they chose is in Palermo, a neighborhood full of hipster bars and cafes that make Charity’s eyes roll. If she sees one more wasabi infused tea advertised in a funky font, she’s going to lose it. 

The hostel Priya told them about is around the same area. It’s nestled between a bicycle repair shop and an art gallery that seems to only stock statues with one arm. 

They enter the lobby and Charity is almost blinded by the wall covered entirely of sequins. 

“What the hell is this place?” She says, looking around. 

Bean bags around low tables. Plants hanging from chandeliers. A wall painted with black board paint and covered in fascinating graffiti telling them that “Vicky and Stef were here 2018!” and “Heidi loves BA!” Charity recoils. 

“I feel old,” Vanessa whispers next to her. 

She’s wearing cute short dungarees and a yellow shirt. Charity called her Dora when she first saw her, and asked where her monkey was before being hit in the arm and denied a kiss. 

“Let’s ask this girl,” Charity suggests, hoping that the random desk in the middle of the plant chandeliers is actually a reception counter. 

“Hi guys! Welcome to Art Factory! I’m Sasha!” 

She’s a young woman that can’t be more than 20. There’s a slight accent, but not much. Charity refrains from laughing at the bananas adorning her shirt and trousers. Kids these days. 

“We are looking for this guy. Seen him?” Charity asks, thrusting Vanessa’s phone in front of her. There’s a picture of Kirin on there, looking surly and stupid in Charity’s opinion. 

Sasha looks down with her brows furrowed. She shakes her head. 

“Uh, no. Who is it?” 

“A friend we’re worried about,” Charity just says non committedly.

That’s the story they’ve agreed on. No need to go into the sordid details, Charity had argued, and Vanessa had agreed. 

“He stayed here for a little while, maybe three years ago?” Vanessa continues in a friendlier manner. 

Sasha shrugs. “I didn’t work here then. But you can ask Mateo tonight. He’s the manager and he’s worked here for a long time.” 

Vanessa smiles and nods. 

“You know a good place for lunch?” Charity asks. Sasha brightens. Charity holds her hand up. “Not vegan.” Sasha’s eyes dim a bit but she recommends a place two streets over. 

When they’re outside again, Vanessa turns to her. 

“I actually didn’t really count on us having free time. What do you want to do this afternoon?” 

Charity snorts. Trust Vanessa not to plan any fun activities. 

“Leave it to me, buttercup. I’ll show you a good time.” 

Vanessa laughs all the way to the café. The sound is music to Charity’s ears after so many months of drawn mouths and sad eyes. 

“This is your idea of a good time?” Vanessa says with an arc of her arms. 

They had empanadas washed down with cold beer before walking through Palermo and its sun drenched streets, Charity grumpily agreeing to put sunscreen on. 

“It’s historical, Vanessa!” 

“It’s a cemetery!”

Charity gently bumps Vanessa’s nose with a finger. “It’s not just any cemetery. This is where Eva Peron is buried.” 

Vanessa’s eyes widen. “Really?” Her interest is obviously piqued. 

“Yeah. Come on, let’s find her.” 

After the hustle and bustle of Palermo, Recoleta Cemetery is quiet. The alley ways are shaded and cool, and they walk past mausoleum after mausoleum. 

“You can tell only the poshos get buried here,” Charity mutters as they stand in front of a lavish marble vault adorned with columns and fresh flowers. 

“It’s beautiful, though. And I think this one even has music playing inside,” Vanessa points out further down. 

It does. A mournful classical music piece that raises the hair on Charity’s arms. “Creepy,” she says and they move along. 

The slightly gloomy atmosphere is dispelled instantly when Vanessa spots a cat sunning itself on the steps of a large flat tomb bearing the name Santos. 

“Look at you, beautiful thing! What’s your name?” 

The cat stretches and accepts pats and scratches, much to Vanessa’s delight. “His name is Tito!” She says after checking his collar. 

“Hey Tito, where’s Eva Peron?” Charity asks seriously, making Vanessa smile. 

“She’s down the next row,” says a voice behind them, making them jump. 

The man is obviously a guide, and he laughs as he gives them more directions. 

“Wanker, he’s lucky I didn’t thump him,” Charity grouses as they walk away. 

“Oh shush, you Yorkshire lout. And look, we’re here,” Vanessa says. 

Her voice is full of wonder because there it is. It’s an unremarkable mausoleum. There are grander ones around, with more elaborate decorations. But it still does something to Charity to see Eva Peron’s name inscribed on the black marble. 

“I read about her, when I was young. She was all about workers’ rights and helping the poor, and I don’t know. She just made an impression,” Charity says quietly. 

She doesn’t add that she read about her when was on the streets, huddled under bridges to shield herself from the rain, desperate to escape from her life for a few hours. That reading about how poor Eva, born into poverty, had risen to power, was inspiring and nicer than thinking how crap her situation was.

Vanessa slips her hand into hers, and Charity thinks maybe she doesn’t even need to say these things because Vanessa always seems to know. 

She hadn’t recoiled once either. Even after all the mess with Bails and the sordid details. Tough little thing, Charity thinks fondly as they walk around the alleyways, pausing when they notice something interesting. 

The sun is beating down on their shoulders, and Charity is grateful Vanessa made her reapply sun lotion after lunch. Vanessa also packed a thermos bottle full of cool water and a packet of nuts that Charity happily munches on as they make their way back to the hostel. 

Things like this are perhaps the newest and most surprising additions to Charity’s life since she met Vanessa. Vanessa often slips a snack bar in her jacket pocket when she goes to work at the pub. She keeps a stock of hair ties in the bathroom for the both of them. She makes sure to buy the crisps Charity likes. She knew what Moses and Noah liked for breakfast after her first overnight stay. And all of this Vanessa does with a smile. When Charity asked suspiciously in the early days of their relationship why Vanessa was stocking her favorite shampoo when they weren’t even living together, Vanessa frowned and shrugged and said “because it’s yours, you like it, and you stay over now.” 

Nothing nefarious or strange. Just consideration and love. Every day. Charity kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, to realize that it was never going to. 

She looks at Vanessa as she coos at a flock of green parakeets that are swirling and diving above them. She smiles at the open delight on Vanessa’s face. 

The hostel is busier in the early evening. There’s a cosmopolitan group of young men and women in reception, all speaking English with different accents. 

Sasha from earlier sees them and waves and points to an open door to the side. 

When they walk in Charity rolls her eyes at the pretentious mass produced art on the wall. There’s neon signs that scream words like “fun” and “soul”, whatever that means. Also black and white photographs of what Charity assumes are tasteful nudes, and the bloke looking at them from behind his desk probably thinks he’s an art collector. 

“Sasha said you had questions?” He says in a bored voice. 

There’s squeals coming from reception and then cheerful shouts, and the group moves outside, finally giving them a bit of quiet. 

The guy thinks he’s tough, but Charity has met tougher. She takes Vanessa’s phone and shows him the picture of Kirin. The guy looks but doesn’t react. His wankish goatee doesn’t even twitch. 

“Who’s that?” 

“A friend we want to catch up with. He was here maybe three, three and a half years ago. Moved on but we’d like to know where.” 

He makes a little moue of disbelief and spreads his hands flat on the desk. 

“Not much of a friend if you don’t know where he is. What’s he done?” 

Vanessa opens her mouth, but Charity shakes her head. This is her element. Charity is still a master of getting what she wants, even if she’s settled down a bit. She looks at the guy, quietly assessing. He’s obviously a bit of a thug. He’s got the golden chain, the rings, the open shirt collar. There’s the pungent aftershave, the slicked backed hair, the put upon bored look. But on the desk Charity can see pictures of his family. Two young girls, twins maybe. Not more than eight, nine. 

“He’s an addict. We know him from back home. I’m sure you can tell from the accent,” Charity says with the ghost of a wink. The guy snorts but he’s listening. “Anyway, he ran off when it got a bit too hard and he left a kid behind and now the kid is sick and we need to tell him and bring him home. Anything you know will be greatly appreciated.” 

Vanessa doesn’t move a muscle but Charity can tell she’s shocked. 

The guy frowns, looks at them more intently. Charity hopes he can only see two unthreatening women. Guys like him always underestimate women. 

“He never mentioned a child,” he says after a while, and Vanessa exhales loudly. 

They’ve got him, Charity knows. 

“I mean he liked to party but I never knew about the drugs. Different girl every night and stuff, but an okay kid you know?” 

Charity hums blandly. He shows them to the sofa in the corner and they all sit. 

“I’m Mateo. Sorry about earlier. You never know who people are.” 

Vanessa gives him an odd grimaced smile that Mateo seems to think is normal. 

“So, you knew him?” Charity prompts. 

“Yeah. Like you said, came here three, four years ago. Stayed for a few months, five or six maybe? He helped out at reception for a bit, made some cash. He was cute for the girls, you know?” Mateo winks and Charity tries not to deck him. 

“I’m sure he was. Why didn’t he stay then?” 

“He said he wanted adventure!” Mateo says with a scoff. “Had some idea about going south to Patagonia to work on a ranch. Fancied himself a gaucho!” 

Charity can’t help the laugh that escapes her mouth. Kirin Kotecha as a rancher. What an absolute plonker. 

“I think he saw too many movies, but hey, whatever. He left for Bariloche for the summer season and I never heard from him again.” Mateo shrugs. 

Charity nods and gets up, motions for Vanessa to do the same. 

“Cheers, yeah.” 

“I hope you find him. Kids are important.” 

Charity turns before they leave. 

“You know what? They sure are.” 

At dinner, at a nice parilla not far from their hotel where the steaks are good and Charity can’t see one hipster ingredient apart from the locally sourced beer, Vanessa looks at her over her glass. 

“So, you’re pretty good at this getting information out of people thing.” 

Charity shrugs. “I guess. It’s kinda my job, babe.” 

“You’re a pub landlady, Charity. Not an MI6 agent,” Vanessa says wryly. 

“Ah but you see it’s very useful. The Woolpack is the beating heart of the village. I have to know what’s going on.” 

“Beating heart of the village. You sound like Tripadvisor.” 

“We’ve got 5 stars on that. But I think Ryan messed with the algorithm.” 

Vanessa laughs and laughs and it makes Charity’s heart thump in her chest. The color is back in Vanessa’s cheeks and they even have a bit of a tan after spending the day outside. She’s wearing a long skirt with a tightly fitted top that drew admiring eyes from their waiter. She looks healthy and happy, even so far away from her element and on a pretty hopeless mission. 

“Well, we have more information now.” 

Before dinner they booked flights to Bariloche, almost 1000 miles to the south. Almost in Patagonia and known for its mountains and ranches and logging. Charity looked it up in the guide. She’s never been this far from home. 

“We do. We’ll find him, Ness. That little weasel can’t hide forever.” 

Vanessa’s eyes widen. Charity breathes in and out. She’s been trying to temper her anger and it’s been hit and miss, but the very thought of Kirin makes her blood boil. 

“Sorry. Sorry, I just-I don’t get why…”

“Why I was ever with him?” Vanessa fills in, eyebrow cocked. 

The beer in her hand is suddenly very interesting. She hears a sigh though, and so she risks looking up. Vanessa’s eyes are far away. 

“I think back to how I was back then, and I hardly recognize myself. And I know, I know he was young and people said that-“ 

“Hey. It’s okay. Rhona let it drop that he lied about his age,” Charity says gently. 

Which was an interesting thing to learn, because Charity remembered only the scandal, whispered about in the pub and the shop. The age gap. The teenager thing. 

“He did. But I still…” Vanessa sighs and closes her eyes. “It was a mistake. I got swept up in the whole thing. He was kind and attractive and he wanted me and it was so flattering. I thought we could make a go of it even with the age gap and Rakesh. But-” She looks away and her lips thin. “He was rash and fickle. Unreliable.” 

“Bit like me then,” Charity says to lighten the atmosphere. Joking but not really. 

Vanessa’s head snaps back up. “No,” she says firmly. “Nothing like you. You stepped up big time, Charity. And I was anxious at the beginning, but never because I doubted you. Because no one’s been there for me for this long. People leave. Like my dad left. Like Kirin left. And I know it’s not fair. He was so young and it was asking a lot but…The way he left was…the things he said, that he never wanted Johnny. Well it stuck in my mind.” 

Charity nods and the anger is back, red hot and bubbling. She pushes it down. “What do you think he’ll say, when we find him?” 

“I don’t know. For a while he seemed happy to be a father, but then he left. He left without one look at Johnny and he never-never- got in touch in all those years.” Vanessa’s cheeks get even rosier, but she takes a long drink of her beer and it seems to calm her. 

“Maybe he didn’t think he was worthy,” Charity offers. She thinks of Ryan, of Debbie, of Noah and Moses. Could she have left? Could she have gone away without a single look back? She’s made pretty horrendous errors of judgment in motherhood but in the end, she has always stuck by all her children, for better or worse. 

Vanessa grabs her hand and smiles that brilliant, kind smile of hers. 

“You might have buckled, Charity Dingle, but you never broke. Four times life dealt you with unpredictable cards, and four times you kept going.” 

The words and the smile warm Charity to her very core. The sheer belief in Vanessa’s eyes isn’t something she’ll ever get used to. 

“Is that a dig at the casino job?” She snarks instead. 

A lot of people would roll their eyes or scoff or get angry, but not Vanessa. 

Vanessa laughs. And Charity knows she understands. 

After dinner they take the long way back to the hotel. It’s a Friday night and the streets and plazas are crowded with busy restaurant and bar terraces. It’s balmy and pleasant, warm enough to get away with just wearing a light cardi. 

On a plaza lined with palm trees, speakers blare out tango and a space has been cleared out for couples to dance. Some are clearly professional, or at least very talented, while others just seem to be casual dancers. Old and young, fancily dressed or wearing jeans, they twirl and laugh to the plaintive melodies of violins and pianos. 

Vanessa stops, entranced. She looks and stares and claps at the end of a piece, tapping her foot to the beat of the next one.

“Want to try?” 

Vanessa turns, surprised. 

“Give over,” she says with obvious disbelief. Charity smiles and shrugs and grabs Vanessa’s hand. “Really?!” 

As if Charity wouldn’t do everything in her power to make Vanessa happy. She’d jump off a bridge for one of Vanessa’s smiles.

There are women dancing together. And while Charity knows it’s probably due to a lack of male partners, she doesn’t think anyone is going to stop them. And if they do, Charity will give them the what for. 

They face each other and Charity grabs Vanessa’s waist at the same time Vanessa grabs hers.

“You’re tiny, babe. I think I should lead, yeah?” Charity says with a little smug tilt in her voice. 

Vanessa huffs and puffs a bit, but she shifts anyway. They listen to the rhythm and move around, and Charity winces when she steps on Vanessa’s foot. Vanessa only laughs and re arranges them more loosely.

It’s fast, much too fast for beginners. And they’ve had a few beers. But it’s warm and the music is pleasant, and everyone around them seems happy and the mood is infectious. 

They twirl clumsily and Charity can’t stop smiling even when they bump into another couple. 

She can’t remember the last time she’s had this much fun. For a bright, shining moment she wishes all the kids were with them. Noah would scowl but he would look at the girls. Ryan would try to dance with whoever, and the boys would dance together under Debbie’s amused eyes. She misses them all fiercely, but having Vanessa in her arms brings her back into the moment. 

“I love you,” she says to her against her temple. 

They’ve settled into a slow dance pose that doesn’t go at all with the music or the dance, but that way Charity can rest her chin against Vanessa’s temple and she can enjoy the warm living beat of Vanessa’s body. 

“I love you too, so much,” Vanessa whispers back along with the violin crescendo. 

When they get back to their room the city has quietened. Charity’s feet hurt but she takes care to fold her clothes neatly because Vanessa likes a tidy bedroom. Some days during the chemo that was all Charity could give her. A tidy space to feel crap in. It wasn’t much but it was something and Charity has kept it up. 

She watches as Vanessa rubs in her night time lotion on her arms and legs. It smells like home. She smiles when Vanessa shows her photos of the kids taken by Tracy and sent while they were at dinner. Noah has Johnny on his shoulders and Moses under his arm. They’re laughing. 

It still takes her by surprise, their higgledy-piggledy family. The kids don’t share the same parents but they love each other. Noah might huff when the boys ask for a kick about or a story, but he always gives in. Sarah acts like she’s too cool to chase after Moses or to build a Lego tower with Johnny, but she never shuts herself in her room anymore. 

All of her kids have taken to Vanessa. Even Noah, the toughest of the lot. They love her. Confide in her. Charity doesn’t think she ever got such a unanimous verdict on one of her partners. 

“You’re miles away. All okay?” Vanessa asks. 

Charity can only smile and kiss her softly. She tastes of toothpaste and of her jasmine lotion. It’s the taste of their evening kisses. And Charity has never been in love enough to categorize kisses like this. She is now. 

“Do you know something?” Charity says very seriously when Vanessa hums against her lips with a smile.

“What?” 

“I’ve never had it off in South America.” 

Vanessa’s mouth forms a perfect o. She bursts out laughing and hits Charity on the arm. 

“Oi you! Well that’s not going to change anytime soon!” 

Charity smiles and gets closer. If there’s one thing that she’s sure in this life, it’s that Vanessa will kiss her back. And she does. 

They kiss like they have all the time in the world and since Vanessa was given the all clear, they actually do. Charity drags her lips unhurriedly down Vanessa’s neck, a few playful nips of her teeth on the tendon at the base of her throat. Vanessa gasps and grabs Charity’s top to bring her closer. 

The air conditioning in the room whirs gently and there’s something to be said about slipping into a bed that was made for you with freshly washed sheets. The cotton feels almost sinful against Charity’s bare legs. She slips her hands along Vanessa’s jaw and kisses her more deeply, sliding on top of her between her spread legs. 

Vanessa looks beautiful with her fanned hair on the pillow and her pink cheeks and wet lips. The picture of desire. She squirms when Charity presses down, a small sigh escaping her mouth. Her chest is heaving, her hands clutching Charity’s shoulders. Her eyes, dark, are unfocused, flitting from Charity’s lips to her neck, back to her lips. Charity loves her like this, aroused to distraction. 

With a shimmy of her hips that causes Vanessa to bit her lip, Charity slowly rucks up Vanessa’s top to expose her breasts. 

“Beautiful,” she whispers before gently kissing and licking them. 

Vanessa’s back arches, making it that much easier for Charity to sink into her. She rocks into her, her hands holding Vanessa’s hips flush against her, mouth on her breasts. 

“Charity, please, please,” Vanessa moans, fingers digging into Charity’s back. 

The words make Charity’s heart thud loudly in her chest. They make everything seem more urgent, and she just has to kiss Vanessa again and again, her tongue heavy in Vanessa’s mouth. 

Her hands fumble at the waistband of Vanessa’s sleep shorts, eager and imprecise like a teenager. Vanessa is making those breathy moans that mean she’s really into what Charity is doing, from the deep kisses to the knee pressing between her legs. 

With a gasp of triumph Charity manages to slide down the shorts down Vanessa’s thighs. She puts an elbow down by Vanessa’s head for leverage, noses at Vanessa’s jaw so she can suck at the wildly beating pulse point beneath her ear, and slips her hand between Vanessa’s thighs. 

Her brain stops working. Vanessa is so wet there is barely any friction when she starts with gentle strokes. The breathy moans get breathier and Vanessa locks her legs around Charity’s waist, rocking into Charity’s hand without shame. 

As Charity scrapes her teeth down Vanessa’s neck, she remembers how shy and unsure Vanessa had been during their first time. How quiet she’d been at first, as if any noise would provide Charity with ammunition to hurt her. But as they’d learned each other bodies during that one afternoon, Vanessa had bloomed before her very eyes. A blush across her chest, a trembling of her thighs and then an explosion of sound, a pure release of tension in the form of an astonished cry. 

Vanessa is not shy now. She’s loud and free and it’s the hottest thing Charity has ever had the good fortune to witness. The light reflects in eyes when she throws her head back and cries out, her hands still holding on to Charity’s shoulders for dear life. 

Charity feels her tremble and shake on her fingers, and they both collapse in a heap of limps, breathing hard. Charity hums happily in Vanessa’s neck. 

“Well love, muchas gracias indeed,” she says, licking the salt of Vanessa’s skin. 

She’s pretty sure Vanessa is ready to go again, and judging by the look in her eyes, she’s happy she had some water before going to bed. 

As they kiss again, eager once more to get as close as possible, their mission is far from Charity’s mind, usurped by Vanessa’s soft lips and her clever hands.


	3. Bariloche

3\. Bariloche. 

The temperature is much cooler this far south. It’s a relief to wear a jumper again after the heat of Buenos Aires. When they exit the plane, Vanessa gawps at the mountains in the distance, huge and daunting with a sprinkle of snow at the top, even in the summer. The sun is setting behind the highest peak, bathing the sky in pinks and oranges. 

The airport is small, but packed with travelers in hiking gear. There’s even a kayak going round the baggage conveyor belt. 

“Babe. The rental place is that way.” 

Behind a tired looking counter stands a tired looking woman. Vanessa starts mumbling in Spanish, trying to remember the noun for booking, when Charity puts a hand on her arm. 

“Buenas noches, senora. Tengo una reservacion a nombre de Dingle.” 

The woman’s eyes widen in surprise, almost as big as Vanessa’s. The accent was good. Good enough to get the woman to straighten and get right to work. Vanessa turns to Charity with her mouth hanging open. 

Charity smirks. She looks smug and it shouldn’t be this attractive, but it is. 

“What, babe? Picked up a few words, is all.” 

Vanessa shakes her head. She keeps getting amazed by her. Charity’s skills seem so erratic and varied and endless. She hopes she gets decades to discover all of them. 

For now, they get to a sensible SUV and head into town. Bariloche sits on the southern shore of a lake in the middle of a national park that hosts all sorts of hiking trails, and that even has a ski resort. Charity tells her all this as they drive on a straight road lined with huge pine trees. 

“We’re in the Andes, Ness. The actual Andes!”

Vanessa smiles at the enthusiasm in her voice. It’s rare to see Charity so passionate about something. She keeps her cards close to her chest, used to hiding from prying eyes. But sometimes she’ll talk about a book she read, or something she saw, and her eyes light up and her hands dance and her whole body comes alive. Vanessa cherishes those moments like gold nuggets. 

The hotel they booked is on the hills above the lake. It looks like a Swiss chalet. In fact, the whole town has an alpine air. From the abundance of chocolate shops to the wooden buildings dotting the town center, they could be in the middle of the Alps. But the hotel staff speaks Spanish and not German or French, and they eat a hearty meal of grilled meat and strong red wine. 

Their room has a balcony where they can stand and admire their first glimpse of Patagonia. It makes Vanessa feel so small, to stand close to these towering peaks. She’s glad for Charity’s arm around her shoulders. 

They stay out until the moon is high in the night sky. 

The receptionist the next day is a little confused by Vanessa’s question. 

“Ranches in the area? Yes, we have many, but they…”

“What’s the best one?” Charity asks. 

Because Vanessa’s reasoning is that Kirin would be vain enough to only want to work for the most prestigious place. That he would be so sure of his skills to only seek employment in the best ranch. Charity had only mumbled “of course he would, the tosser.” 

“San Ramon does wonderful horseback treks and has a lovely lodge,” the receptionist answers as she grabs a few brochures. 

It does look impressive, Vanessa muses. They have chalets available to rent. Stables with healthy looking horses. A lodge with happy customers eating local food. She turns to Charity who taps on the glossy picture of a waterfall. 

“And this place, how far away is it?” 

“Oh, not far. An hour up the mountain behind us.” 

Charity tips an imaginary hat to the bemused receptionist and their mission is back on. 

The road winds up and around some of the most beautiful vistas Vanessa has ever seen. The sheer drop on one side is enough to make her stomach churn, but she keeps her eyes up front and clutches the wheel. 

Corner after corner, lakes that sparkle like jewels appear at the foot of cragged mountains. Pines go all the way down the water, like a lush green rug. It’s only when they stop at a viewpoint that Vanessa realizes that tall lupins carpet the whole forest floor. Purple, pink and even orange flowers dot the entire area, the sound of bees buzzing loud in the air. 

From the viewpoint they can see all the way to the end of the lake. It’s more narrow here as it squeezes in the valley from its source high up the glaciers. It’s colder too, and Vanessa can see Charity shiver because she refused to wear a jumper. 

“Come here, you silly mare,” Vanessa says. 

She puts her arm around Charity’s shoulders and they snuggle close, breathing in the fresh mountain air. 

“It’s so different from back home,” Vanessa notes, a little homesick all of a sudden. 

“Yeah, them hills are tiny compared to ours,” Charity replies with a smile and an eye roll. 

Vanessa laughs and the homesickness passes. Charity has always had this effect on her. When she feels low, she manages to pull her out of her funk by making her laugh. Or by kissing her. That usually works too. 

“Come on, let’s get going. I can hear your belly grumble.” 

Charity lets out an offended squawk but Vanessa tosses her a snack bar anyway and Charity eats it as soon as they get back into the car. Just like Noah, Vanessa thinks to herself as she pulls out into the road. 

San Ramon is impressive. They park under a pine tree and straight away a young woman greets them in perfect English. She’s wearing a uniform, a khaki polo shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. Vanessa blushes a little when she smiles at her, and hears Charity snort. 

She leads them to the lodge, a two-story wooden building. They have to sidestep a group getting ready to head out on horseback. The horses are healthy and well cared for, Vanessa notes happily. 

The woman, Maria her badge says, leads them to a reception desk, and Vanessa’s heart stops. Right behind the desk, on the wall, there is a photograph. Kirin looks back at her with his big charming smile. He’s in a group and he’s got his arm around the very woman in front of them. 

Up until now, Vanessa hadn’t really entertained the idea of actually seeing Kirin today. It seems too soon and Vanessa doesn’t know how she’ll react, and she hasn’t seen him in years and what if it all goes wrong and…

She feels Charity rubbing her back slowly. 

“Alright, Ness. In and out.”

Maria is looking at them like they both have two heads. 

“So yeah, we’d love a trek, please. A private one, maybe? Just for the two of us. What about that guy? He free?” Charity asks brazenly, pointing at Kirin on the photograph. 

Maria’s eyes darken and she looks away. 

“He’s not here anymore. I can lead you,” she says flatly. 

Vanessa can breathe again. Big gulps of air while Charity fills out forms for the both of them.   
She needs to get a grip, she tells herself. She can’t fall apart when they are so close to their goal. It’s just that suddenly this is all so real. For all their turbulent history, Vanessa hasn’t thought of Kirin much. Sometimes in an abstract “what will I say when Johnny asks about his father?” way. But never concretely about what Kirin was doing or where he was. She never cared enough. 

Now, she realizes that she is going to have to ask him to relinquish his parental rights. She doesn’t know what he is like, how he’s grown. Does he ever think about Johnny? About her? What will he think about the life she has built with Charity? And, she finally lets herself consider, what if he refuses? 

Charity is talking to Maria when Vanessa looks up. She’s all smiles, obviously buttering up the younger woman. It’s classic Charity, Vanessa notes with a fond smile. But Maria is taciturn and reserved, as if she’s sensed something was unusual about them. 

They walk to the stables at the back of the lodge. The boxes have cute geranium pots on either side of their doors. The horses huff and puff as they pass, Maria offering gentle words to each of them. 

“Here. This is Picasso. And this is Nero,” Maria says as she points to two horses. 

“Ha! Well let’s hope he has a better temperament than the real one, am I right?” Charity snorts in front of Nero. 

Maria doesn’t even crack a smile. 

“Tough crowd,” Charity whispers as Vanessa passes her to get to Picasso. 

Vanessa has ridden horses before. In her childhood and then as an adult. She’s fond of them and likes to tend to them for work. Back in Emmerdale, Kim’s horses are her favorite. They are well behaved and beautiful, and while Kim is a nightmare, there is no denying that she loves her horses and looks after them with love and care. 

Picasso is a gentle giant. He’s a calico and he’s placid and quiet when she mounts him. Charity gingerly approaches Nero, but she gets on him without too much difficulty. It’s strange to see her on a horse. Despite living in the dales, Charity is definitely a city girl. She’ll go on forest walks with the boys and at a push she can be lured outside for a nice picnic, but she is not fond of the mud and the cold and animals in general. 

It’s like watching an otter juggle, or a cat play the piano, when Charity leads them into the courtyard in front of the stables. For one scary second, Vanessa sees her tilt, but she rights herself and Nero seems to know what he’s doing. 

Maria is on a grey mare called Bella, and after tightening a couple of Charity’s saddle straps, they are off on a trail above the lodge. 

The sun is higher above the valley. Vanessa is glad for the riding helmets protecting them from the fierce rays, and there is a gentle wind that rustles through the pines and the lupins. 

The trail is pleasant, almost flat as it winds among the trees. Below them the narrow lake sparkles. 

“What’s the name of the lake?” Vanessa asks. 

Maria looks back for a second. 

“Nahuel Huapi. It means, man who has been transformed into a puma,” she replies. 

“There are pumas around here?” Charity asks with wide eyes, looking around and trying to peer into the trees. 

Maria finally laughs. It’s a beautiful sound and it transforms her face. 

“No, no. It comes from the Mapuche language. And they were a little superstitious.” 

“Mapuche. I read about them. Indigenous groups, right?” Charity asks. 

Maria does not conceal the surprise on her face. 

“Yes. Not many people know about them. They fought the Incas. But now most of them have moved to cities. The government took their land for agriculture and tourism so they had to go,” Maria explains as she leads them along the trail. 

“Ah. Yeah governments tend to do that,” Charity replies quietly. 

Maria nods. She has definitely thawed towards them. Vanessa is thinking about broaching the topic of Kirin when they arrive in a meadow. It looks like a Disney movie. Full of flowers and bees and butterflies, surrounded by majestic trees and a view of the lake. 

Maria dismounts and hands out coffee from a thermos, a strong brew that makes Vanessa wince. 

“From here you can see the edge of Bariloche,” she says with an arc of her arm. 

The horses munch on the grass, their breathing loud in the quiet. Vanessa opens her mouth, but Charity is ahead of her. 

“So. The guy from the photo, you know him?” 

Vanessa sighs. Maria isn’t the guy from the hostel. There’s a look in her eyes that spells out hurt and heartache. Vanessa sees her clam up, her posture rigid. 

“No. Let’s go,” Maria says, her movements jerky as she grabs the horses’ reigns. 

Vanessa mouths “oh well done” at Charity and Charity shrugs and whispers “sorry” before they mount back up. 

The trail loops around after a couple of miles, Picasso happy to plod along to let Vanessa admire the view. They are protected from the sun by the trees, and the flowers have a heady smell, almost similar to the ones they have in Yorkshire. 

Just when Vanessa is starting to despair at a missed opportunity, of having failed when they came so far, a squirrel bolts across the trail ahead of them. Bella neighs loudly and gets up on her hind legs, throwing Maria off. The mare startles at the loss of her weight and steps on a rock before stumbling and stopping, her breathing unsteady and labored. 

Maria is up in an instant, uninjured, but it’s clear that Bella has hurt herself. Vanessa climbs down and runs towards them, shushing Nero on the way. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she says soothingly when Maria tries to grab her hand. “I’m a veterinarian. Let me see.” 

Maria’s eyes widen but she lets her examine Bella, who neighs softly when Vanessa caresses her.

“It’s okay, Bella. You’re a good girl. Let me see that leg. Oh you poor thing you sprained your ankle. Is that tender?” Vanessa says when she touches the joint. Bella neighs a bit more loudly. “Yeah it is. Poor girl.” 

She turns to Maria, who’s covered in black dust and wringing her hands. 

“She’ll be fine. She’ll need rest and some pain relief, but she can walk back to the stables.”

“Oh thank you! She’s my favorite,” Maria says with a relieved smile. “You can go on ahead. The horses know the way. I’ll walk back with her.” 

“It’s okay. We’ll walk too, it’s not far,” Vanessa offers. 

“Yeah, besides, you have the coffee,” Charity chips in from atop Nero. 

At first, it’s awkward. Maria is obviously thankful for Vanessa and her help, but she still looks very suspicious. As they walk and talk about horses and their care, Charity cracking a few jokes and puns to make them laugh, Maria loosens up bit by bit. She loves her job. She’s from Tucuman in the north. She wants to run her own place one day, further south by the Chilean border. 

Step by step she opens up. Bella is her favorite horse. She rooms with an English girl that only talks about boys. 

“Did she like Kirin?” Vanessa asks lightly. 

“Yeah. Well every girl liked Kirin, he…” Maria stops abruptly, her fingers tightening on the reigns. 

“It’s okay,” Vanessa says, using the same voice she used on Bella. 

“I don’t want to talk about him. He…he left and I want to forget him.” 

Vanessa hears Charity mutter “join the club” but she stays focused. This is it. She can do this. 

“I want to forget him too, but I can’t. He’s the father of my child and I need to find him.”

Maria stops abruptly, Bella’s head bumping into her shoulder. 

“He has a child?” 

Obviously Kirin didn’t like to share that fact about him. 

“Yes. A son. My son. Johnny. He’s five.” 

Maria stumbles forward, mechanically putting one foot in front of the other. 

“He never said. He said he was in Argentina for an adventure. That he wanted to travel.” They walk under the harsh sun, birds calling to each other among the trees and the rocks. “He was so kind and funny, and he told me he loved me, that we should go south together, to see what Patagonia had to offer. But then I found out he had said the same thing to other girls. I saw him kissing someone else, and he just laughed when I told him.” 

Behind them, Charity mutters something dark under her breath, and Vanessa feels her gut twist. Maybe Kirin hasn’t done much growing after all. 

“And then one day he just left. He’d been working at the ranch for two seasons, two years and he just told the boss he was heading south, to sail or to see the glaciers, and he was gone the next day. He didn’t even say good bye,” Maria says, her voice tight. 

There are unshed tears in her eyes. Vanessa sighs and her heart goes out to her. Another casualty along Kirin’s troubled path. 

“I am so sorry. He did the same to me, not that long ago.” 

Maria swipes at her eyes, sniffles. Her chin trembles but then her mouth sets in a hard line. 

“He went to Ushuaia, I know it. He always looked at photos of the glaciers, and he kept asking the guests if they had been,” Maria says firmly. 

Vanessa looks back to Charity, who gives her a thumbs up. 

“Do you have a photo of your son?” Maria asks when they’ve gone past the last turn before the lodge. 

Vanessa takes her phone out and shows her Johnny. He’s on Charity’s knees in the photo, giving the camera a toothy smile. Charity is making a face. It’s Vanessa’s favorite photo of them. 

“He has Kirin’s chin,” Maria says. “But the rest is all you. He is very fair, and he has your eyes.” 

“Thank god,” Charity quips wryly. 

With Bella safely resting in her box, Vanessa tells the in house vet all he needs to know about the accident. Maria gives them a discount on the trek as a thank you, and she walks them back to their car. 

“Promise me something,” Maria says, her dark eyes unflinching. “When you find him, tell Kirin he’s a coward. And a cheat. And I’m glad he left.” 

A low whistle comes from Charity’s lips. 

“Well, babe, believe me when I say you’re better off without him,” she adds as she starts the car. 

Vanessa nods, thanks Maria and she watches her get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. 

“Mr. Personality ain’t he? Kirin?” Charity says as she navigates the road home. 

“Yeah. A real people person,” Vanessa replies a little absentmindedly.

While she would never regret Johnny’s birth, she curses her younger self for ever getting involved with Kirin. She was wrong and now she’s paying the price for trying to make a life with an actual teenager. Christ what a mess. 

“What do you think Kirin will say when I ask him?” Vanessa asks, because that’s what really been on her mind. 

He’s still so young and apparently still not that mature. Will he lash out just for kicks and refuse to sign? What if he ever tried to take Johnny from her? The very thought makes her shiver. 

“I think he’ll sign. Look, babe, he’s a 23-year-old fugitive that can’t ever come back home. He’s never asked after Johnny. He’s obviously loving the gap year lifestyle.” 

Vanessa nods. She sinks back into her seat, lets the turns lull her anxiety away. 

“Besides, if he doesn’t give us what we want, I’ll set Maria on him. That ought to shift his arse into gear, the little love rat,” Charity says casually, her forearms flexing as her hands tighten on the wheel. 

There’s a beat of silence and then Vanessa starts laughing. She imagines Kirin being chased by all the women he wronged, her at the front, and it makes her forget the uncertainty and the gut churning worry. 

“Ushuaia then,” Charity says when Vanessa looks at her with a smile. 

“The end of the world,” Vanessa replies, a little awed at the lengths they are going to. 

She looks at Charity’s hands on the wheel. They are strong, the tendons playing under the skin. These are the hands that held her when she was sick with the chemo. The hands that made her soup and fed their children when she couldn’t. That cleaned and scrubbed until they were red and raw, just so she could be safe at home. She feels safe in these hands. With Charity. Going to end of the Earth doesn’t scare her. Not when they’re together. 

When they go to book the next flight to Ushuaia, they find out there is a storm raging over the Andes. They won’t be able to leave for another two days, which at first is disappointing, but then it presents them with an opportunity. 

“A glacier, Ness! A black glacier!” Charity says, waving her trusty guide around the next morning. 

It does look impressive, Vanessa allows. And they are stuck here anyway. They might as well do something interesting. It’s only under an hour away, and they have a good car to tackle the dirt roads. 

The day is clear and bright, a pleasant breeze ruffling their hair when they step out of their hotel and into their car.

The drive is magnificent. The road snakes around lakes of the deepest blues and greens, and they even have time to stop for a picnic under the shade of a pine tree towering over an empty beach. The water is freezing cold as it comes from the glacier above, but that doesn’t stop Charity from splashing Vanessa until she shrieks. 

Further up the landscape changes. It becomes rockier, the colorful lupins giving way to windswept yellow grass. Under scraggy bushes the ground is black. Volcanic rock. 

Vanessa rolls down her window to take a picture, only to get sprayed by a waterfall right by the road. The roar of the water makes it hard to speak, but the mirth on Charity’s face soothes the annoyance of getting wet. 

For a while, the road follows a powerful stream of churning water. And then it veers sharply, almost upright. 

“Hold on to your wellies, Ness!” Charity whoops gleefully, revving the car like she’s in a rally. 

The car lurches and sputters. Vanessa clutches her seat with white knuckles, her belly swooping as Charity takes turn after turn. The road is only a dirt path now, but after one last death defying incline, they make it to the last plateau. 

Vanessa breathes in and out, her cheeks red. 

“Uh, babe, I think you’ll need to go ahead on this one,” Charity says. 

Vanessa’s mouth opens in shock. There is a giant puddle on the road, three times the size of their car, and it looks deep enough to cause real trouble. 

“I don’t think we’ll make it,” Vanessa says. 

Charity winks. “Sure we will. Walk to the other end and I’ll meet you there.” 

“You’ll only drown the engine, Charity. And then we’ll be stuck in the middle of nowhere.” 

“Nah. Hop off buttercup. Let’s give it a go.” 

Charity sounds so sure. And Vanessa has to admit the confidence is sexy. And convincing. She walks to other side, wincing at the depth of the hole. 

Charity revs the car again, for show. She whoops and hollers like a cowgirl on a bull at a rodeo, and drives forward at speed. 

For one awful moment, Vanessa thinks she won’t make it. The bonnet dips dangerously in the middle. But with a victorious shriek Charity emerges unscathed, water spraying the sides of the car. 

Vanessa runs to meet her, laughing all the way, and rewards her with a kiss. 

“My hero,” she says against Charity’s lips. 

“Always,” Charity replies, her hands cradling Vanessa’s face. 

The rest of the way is less eventful. The small car park is only half full. At first Vanessa thinks they got the wrong place. She can only see a few sad looking trees and high grass. A small path leads them around a boulder and she gasps. 

They stand on the cusp of a large crater filled with a glacial lake of the most intense green. There are big chunks of black ice floating in the water, like ships moored in a bay. Ahead, and towering the entire landscape, Mount Tronador stands proud. 

Speechless, Vanessa walks to the shore with Charity’s hand in hers. The glacier at the far edge of the lake is as black as the rock of the mountain. It gives the whole scene an eerie air. 

There are a few other tourists around them and they all seem to be waiting for something. It all becomes clear when a huge crack echoes around the crater. A chunk of ice the size of their car falls from the glacier front into the water, causing a wave that upsets all the other icebergs in the lake. 

“Yes! Do another one!” Charity cheers, much to the amusement of the German couple next to them. 

She raises their linked hands, and as if by command, another chunk falls with an almighty crash. Vanessa laughs, stunned. 

“See what we can do, babe?” Charity says with a smug smile. 

That earns her another kiss, and it distracts Charity long enough to make her pose for photos for the kids. The sillier the better. She knows exactly which one will make Johnny laugh. 

Back at the hotel, Charity leads her to the hotel spa. 

“Babe, it has private pools overlooking the lake. And,” she says, reaching into her bathrobe. “I’ve got a little something.” 

She takes out a bottle of champagne. Vanessa lets out a giggle as they give their room number to a stern faced attendant. 

Their pool is on a wooden deck that juts out over the forest. The afternoon sun has given way to an evening fog that drapes the bottom of the trees and that muffles all sound. It’s like the world has disappeared and there’s only them. 

Charity moves her shoulders and her bathrobe falls to her feet. She’s naked save for an enticing smile. Vanessa gulps, her palms a little sweaty. 

“After you,” she says, grabbing Vanessa’s hand with a wink and a roll of her hips. 

The views have nothing on Charity’s body. There’s something about the way she moves. Always has been. Vanessa swallows and she follows, her eyes glued to the muscles playing under Charity’s skin. 

They step into the heated pool, steam swirling around them. Vanessa has a bathing suit on, but Charity hooks her fingers under the straps and pulls down. 

“More fun that way, isn’t it?” She whispers into Vanessa’s ear. 

And that is the slogan of their relationship right there, Vanessa thinks with a smile. It is always more fun with Charity. Brighter. Full of color. This trip has made her look back to her life and pre Charity seems duller. Grayer. But here she is naked in a pool with a woman who loves her. She flings the bathing suit over her shoulder and laughs when Charity throws her an impressed look. 

Charity pops open the champagne with a whoop. She licks the neck of the bottle when some of the liquid dribbles down, and Vanessa flushes at the flash of tongue. 

“To us,” Charity toasts. “And Johnny.” 

Vanessa kisses her. She tastes of champagne and it brings memories of other celebrations, of other kisses sloppily pressed to Charity’s lips in the cellar of the Woolpack. Her skin feels familiar but different in the scented water. It’s decadent, Charity’s body against hers in the open. Thrilling and a little naughty. 

“Well, well, well, Dr. Woodfield. I seem to have a bad case of racing heart,” Charity says with a little moue of concern, her eyes wide and shining. 

Vanessa bites her lip, lets Charity lead her hand to her breast. 

“Oh yes. Definitely. Racing like mad,” Vanessa plays along, her thumb making circles on Charity’s nipple. 

Charity takes on a breathy voice that is surely only half faked. Vanessa can see her throat is bobbing. 

“Oh my. What ever can be done?” Charity says like the damsel in the distress she’s never been. 

Vanessa puts on a pensive face and slips a thigh between Charity’s legs. Her hands grab the edge of the pool on either side of Charity and she takes Charity’s earlobe in her mouth. Charity’s knees buckle but Vanessa’s thigh hold her up. 

“I can think of a few things,” Vanessa says slowly between kisses down Charity’s neck. 

This side of her took her by surprise at first. That she likes to take charge sometimes, after years of passively lying there with men. Charity has always responded very enthusiastically. And Vanessa knows what the limits are, what Charity likes and will allow. 

In fact, in the beginning Charity allowed everything. To every “is this ok?” there was a “yes, whatever you want”. Vanessa had to learn what Charity wouldn’t say out loud, that what she thought she deserved wasn’t actually what she wanted. 

Now Vanessa knows. No hair pulling. No restraining. But a lot of kisses. Hours of kissing. Caressing and licking. Never enough of that. 

Vanessa is happy to oblige. Has bloomed into quite the worshipper of Charity Dingle’s body. She could make love to Charity with her eyes closed, but what would be the fun in that?

There is nothing that Vanessa likes more that watching Charity feel pleasure. Her face softens and opens and her eyes go unfocused. It feels like a privilege to have her trust Vanessa enough to let her guard down. 

Once, walking home from work, Vanessa had bumped into Jai outside the café. It was just after she’d moved into the Woolpack. He was leaning on a wall with a takeaway coffee in hand. Vanessa remembers because she’d been taken in by his friendly smile. She’d smiled back and then Jai had opened his mouth. 

“You should be careful, you know?” 

His voice was so casual; like he was talking about the weather. She must have frowned. 

“With Charity. She doesn’t love like others do. Just a fair warning.” 

Vanessa knows she took a step back because she bumped into one of the tables outside the café. It was said so gently, like he really thought he was doing her a favor. His eyes almost kind if not for the underlying tint of revenge. Vanessa had felt numb, and then, fury. 

“You shouldn’t even be allowed to say her name,” Vanessa said. “I know all about you, you absolute creep. One more word from you and I’ll show you how I castrate pigs.” 

Jai had blinked. And gone red. And he’d walked off in a huff, like every underserving man who’d tried to treat Charity like a possession. 

When she’d gotten back home, Charity was in the kitchen covered in chocolate, Moses and Johnny the same, all three turning around with guilty expressions on their faces. 

It had dawned on her then, as she laughed and grabbed a washcloth, that maybe Charity had never been loved like one deserved to be. 

It the now, with the water swirling around them and Vanessa cradling Charity’s face, Vanessa feels at peace and right where she is supposed to be. All she wants is to make Charity feel good. 

Charity’s eyes are an intense green in the steam coming out the pool. She looks like an enticing mermaid, her hair slick and dark against her pale skin. Vanessa goes to her like a willing pirate. 

They kiss slowly, and Vanessa drags her tongue down Charity’s throat, enjoying the gasps she elicits as she reaches Charity’s breasts. Things are a little hazy after that. Charity starts to grind slowly on her thigh, and Vanessa can feel how wet she is, and it makes her a little crazy. 

Vanessa slips a hand between Charity’s legs and moans at how easy it is to slide two fingers deep into her. Charity gasps and pants into their kiss, mouth moving soundlessly against hers, water sloshing all over them. 

When she hears whimpers in her neck, Vanessa hooks her fingers and her thrusts become shallower. Charity throws her head back and cries out, her legs locking around Vanessa’s waist. Here she is, Charity, without any of her walls up, her mouth open and her eyes wide open. Vanessa scrapes her teeth down her neck, and that’s all it takes. Charity stills and Vanessa can feel her tremble on her fingers. 

“First thing we’re doing when we get back: digging a pool in the back garden,” Charity pants, her smile wide and free. 

Vanessa laughs and kisses her again. And again.


	4. Ushuaia and Antarctica

4\. Ushuaia and Antarctica 

It’s cold when they get out of the airport. The heat of Buenos Aires is long gone, and Charity shivers as she grabs a woolen coat from her bag. Vanessa hands her a hat and mittens from her backpack. 

If mountains were impressive from the Bariloche tarmac, they are nothing compared to the ones they can see here. There is snow not only on the peaks, but down to midway. 

“Please tell me the hotel you booked has a fireplace,” Vanessa says as she puts on her gloves. 

Charity scoffs, because she’s always been very good at spending money. 

They take a cab to the outskirts of town. While Ushuaia invokes images of adventure, the town itself is unremarkable. It is mostly a harbor with commercial fishing vessels and cruise ships, all pointing towards the mouth of the estuary and the choppy seas leading to Antarctica. 

The hotel, however, is Charity’s crowning moment. It sits on the water, and has 360 degree views of the glaciers and the Beagle Channel that leads to the Atlantic Ocean. 

Their room looks out onto the water and Vanessa whistles when she sees that they have their own wooden deck. 

“What do you say we stay in tonight? Call the kids and watch something?” Charity suggests. 

This feels like the end of their journey, and she wants to hold on to a bit of holiday magic before they have to get their hands dirty. At least, that’s what Charity imagines they will have to do. She has four children, almost five, and all four were almost taken from her. 

Ryan she lost at birth, Debbie too. Noah she almost gave away in a moment of desperation so intense she thought she would die. Moses, her sweet Moses, could have been swept away if she hadn’t fought tooth and nail. She managed to find her way back to all four in the end. And she is not about to let her youngest son be taken from her. 

If Kirin wants to play dirty, Charity will stoop so low and fight so hard that he will be left bloody. As she watches Vanessa set up a call to Emmerdale, she vows with everything she is that Johnny will not be left behind. 

On the harbor the next day, Charity ponders. Vanessa is getting them coffees from a little hole in the wall. She looks out onto the choppy grey water. There are groups of tourists milling about, some with suitcases, ready to boards ships to cruise to Antarctica. The town is full of billboards advertising them. 

“Here, I got you a cortado. I know you said it was naff, but it’s the only thing they had and…” Vanessa says as she hands over a small cup. 

Charity hums a vague “thank you”. 

“You know, I bet Kirin is on one of them ships. Antarctica. That would be interesting to him, no?” Charity muses as they watch the traffic on the harbor. 

Vanessa nods, gets a pensive look on her face and whips out her phone. She types for a while. In front of them, a ship large enough to fit all of Emmerdale enters the harbor. 

“Look at this,” Vanessa says after a few silent minutes. 

On her screen there is a page full of small ID photos showing the staff of a cruise ship. There are captions underneath each one and Vanessa points to one in particular. 

“Do you think that could be him?” 

Charity squints. The photo shows a young man that has Kirin’s facial features. He’s got a beard, closely trimmed, and a pair of rimmed glasses. Underneath, in italics, a caption that reads: Peter Ahuja, entertainment host since 2018. 

“He changed his name?” 

“I have a feeling he’s been using fake ID papers. You know, back at the hostel in Buenos Aries, the owner never mentioned Kirin by name,” Charity says. 

“But in Bariloche Maria knew him as Kirin,” Vanessa points out. 

“Maybe he only used fake ID to travel, or to get jobs that really needed official looking papers,” Charity argues. She puts a hand on Vanessa’s arm. “Why else would he ask Rakesh for 20 grand? He’s worked the entire time he’s been here. I bet that dodgy hostel guy arranged papers for him.” 

Vanessa bites her lower lip. She looks at her phone again. Sighs. 

“It’s definitely him, isn’t it?” She looks so sad, and Charity is confused until she continues. “All this time, I was maybe hoping he’d grown up, maybe even thought about coming back to the UK to hand himself in and doing the time. But this? Fake papers and secret identities? He’s going to hide out forever isn’t he?” 

Charity rubs her arm. Even after years with her, Vanessa still has a soft heart that believes in the best of people. Charity has benefited from it plenty of times. Even when Kirin had wronged her in so many ways, Vanessa had still hoped. For Johnny, maybe. Maybe even for herself, as a way to show she hadn’t been so wrong in choosing him. 

“Hey. Come on. Let’s book ourselves onto the next cruise for that boat, and get these papers signed.” 

It was time to get Johnny an official full time second parent. 

In a bout of good fortune, the next cruise on Kirin’s boat, a mid sized vessel named Darwin, starts the very next day. It’s a 6-day all inclusive voyage to the tip of Antarctica, and it allows them to fly back to Buenos Aires in time to catch their flight home. 

It’s eye wateringly expensive, but it’s for Johnny, and they even get to go to Antarctica and see penguins. A win win situation in Charity’s book. Vanessa frets about the money, about the tight timetable, about seeing Kirin. She worries and worries until Charity sits her down and makes her see that this is the only way. 

“And penguins, Vanessa!” 

That makes her smile at least. 

The first couple of days on the ship are spent going out to sea via the Beagle Channel. They are lucky to have crisp sunny days, and they can gaze at snow capped mountains on either side of the boat to their hearts content. 

Kirin is impossible to find. The ship hosts 400 passengers and almost as many crew, and it’s difficult to figure out what entertainment host means. He doesn’t work in either restaurants, or in the bars dotted around the main deck. He’s not in the gym or part of the excursions staff that offers wildlife spotting. 

On their second night they reach Anvers island, where there is a research station open year round. The ship docks in deeper waters in the bay. It’s breathtaking. And desolate. There is snow and icebergs as far the eye can see, and the temperature is now firmly in the sub zero. 

To celebrate their official arrival in Antarctica, the crew puts on a sort of variety show in the main theatre. Charity drags Vanessa to watch it, eager to distract her after fruitless days. 

The lights dim, the curtain rises, and Vanessa gasps. 

Kirin is on stage, alone in the bright circle of a spotlight. He’s wearing a tuxedo, and women in the audience audibly swoon when he smiles. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s show. We have amazing performances that will make you gasp and cheer, that will make you want to dance and sing! So let’s give it up for the hospitality crew and their amazing tango number!” 

It’s surreal. Here they are, literally at the end of the world, and Kirin Kotecha, fugitive extraordinaire, is introducing a merry group of dancers on stage. 

“What the everlasting hell is this?” Charity says when she can’t hold it in anymore. 

She has a mind to call the police right there and then. If she wasn’t a Dingle with a sketchy relationship with the force, maybe she would. It just seems so brazen. Kirin killed someone. He might have done it accidentally, but he still did. And there he is, clapping his hands in time to the beat, neat and tidy in his tuxedo. 

Next to her, Vanessa sits rigidly. Her jaw is set, her eyes steely. Her demeanor could not be more removed from the rest of the audience. The passengers are mostly retired Americans, and they are loving the dance number. Some are even on their feet. 

“Let’s head to the bar and wait him out,” Charity says. 

The number ends and in the commotion of the applause they slip out, Vanessa radiating with anger. 

The bar is empty, most passengers being at the show. Charity orders them both a glass of wine. 

“Wracked with guilt, isn’t he? Just stewing with it!” Vanessa bursts, her ponytail swaying wildly.

Charity takes a sip of her glass and leans back. Crosses her legs. It’s better to let Vanessa rant in these situations. 

“The sheer nerve! In front of all those people who have no idea what he did, who he left behind. You just wait until I see him, I’m going to…” 

“Babe. I don’t think attacking him from the get go is going to get us very far.” 

“Oh? And what would you do, master criminal?” Vanessa hurls out. 

There is a silence only interrupted by the soft clinking of glasses being the bar. Vanessa’s eyes widen almost comically. 

Another time, with another person, Charity would have lashed out and stormed out. But not now. She splays her hands out on the table and waits. Chas would be impressed. 

“Charity I am so sorry. I didn’t mean that, I really didn’t, and I…” 

“All right, all right, chill your boots babe. I know. And you know what? You’re right. I know a thing or two about dodgy people. And Kirin is going to flee and disappear if you come at him all guns blazing.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “Blackmail him.” 

“Blackmail him?!” Vanessa says, a bit too loudly. 

The bartender raises an eyebrow but Charity rolls her eyes at him and gestures as if to say Vanessa has had a bit too much to drink. He laughs and goes back to cleaning glasses. 

“Yes, blackmail him. Tell him you’ll shop him to the police if he doesn’t sign the papers.” 

Vanessa’s mouth hangs open. “I…I can’t do that.” 

“No? So what’s your plan?” 

Vanessa crosses her arms on her chest and thrusts her chin out like the stubborn little mule she is. It almost makes Charity smile. 

“I don’t know. I guess I thought I could just…”

“Appeal to his better nature? Hope that he’ll see things the way you do and sign his son away?” Charity insists, her voice hard. 

She needs Vanessa to understand that not all people are as good as her. That there is darkness in Kirin if he fled without a goodbye and without ever contacting Johnny since. 

“That’s what I hope will happen, yes,” Vanessa says stubbornly. 

Charity sighs, twirls the wine in her glass. 

“Look, I know it’s a long shot. But let me do this my way. Please? For a start at least,” Vanessa says, her hand skating across the table to hold Charity’s. 

Her eyes are soft and imploring and Charity can’t refuse her when she’s like this. 

“Okay. Yes. Of course.” 

Vanessa smiles, squeezes her hand. “Okay.” 

They know the show is over when streams of passengers flood the bar. Vanessa’s stomach is in knots. She shouldn’t have had that wine; it sloshes uncomfortably as she cranes her neck. 

The tables around them fill up quickly and music suddenly comes on. 

“I can’t see him. I’m going to try and find him,” Vanessa says. 

Charity goes to follow but Vanessa puts a hand on her shoulder. 

“Let me do this alone.” 

“What if he’s violent?” 

Vanessa smiles. She knows Charity would deck Kirin in an instant and while she is no fan of violence, there is something about seeing Charity all riled up and ready to go. 

“I can take care of him. Of myself. I promise.” 

She squeezes Charity’s shoulder when Charity nods. She leaves her and the noise from the bar behind. The hallways curving away from the music are empty, but she quickly comes across a little lounge just by the entrance of the theater. 

There’s a group sitting there. Crew, obviously, because some are still in costume. Vanessa gets closer and freezes. Kirin is there. He’s sitting in an armchair, still in his tuxedo. Away from the harsh lighting of the stage he looks younger, not much different from when they were together. 

The group falls quiet when they notice her just standing there. Kirin looks up mid laugh and his entire demeanor changes. His eyes widen, and he jerks upright. 

“Oh oh! Have fun Peter!” A man jeers when Kirin takes a few steps towards her. 

Kirin laughs, but it’s strained. His eyes are looking around a little wildly, his hands hovering just above her elbow as if he’s considering dragging her away. 

“Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” Vanessa offers when she’s regained the use of her tongue. 

Kirin nods, an odd disjointed movement. He jerks his head towards the theatre. His friends jeer and holler some more, but as soon as they enter the empty hall, they are enveloped in a hushed quiet. 

They sit on either side of the aisle, the empty space between them like a negotiating table. 

“What are you doing here?” Is the first thing Kirin asks. He sounds scared. His fingers drum the armrests of his seat. 

Vanessa takes a breath. She hopes it doesn’t sound too shaky. She needs to be strong. For Johnny, for their family. 

“It’s about Johnny,” she starts without preamble. 

Kirin’s head swivels towards her. She can’t get used to that beard. And those glasses. He looks like he’s about to serve her one of those wasabi teas. 

“What about him? Is he ill?” He asks. 

It sounds like he’s asking about an acquaintance, not his son. It rankles Vanessa, that he doesn’t seem to care in the least. 

“No. He’s fine. It’s something else.” 

Her mouth forms around the words, but she falters. She should have practiced, written it down, anything. 

“Well? I don’t know how much you know, but I’m not exactly just hanging out,” Kirin says impatiently, his eyes peering into the darker corners of the room. 

“No. You’re hiding. I know. The police made that clear,” Vanessa replies without missing a beat. She won’t be intimidated by him. “Don’t worry, no one knows we’re here.”

“We?” Kirin notices with a sharp tone. 

Vanessa sighs. Flattens her hands on her lap.

“I’m here because I want you to sign your parental rights away,” she says firmly. 

Kirin stills and blinks. He looks at her, and it’s like time hasn’t passed. He’s still the same man she loved. At least she thinks she loved him. It doesn’t compare to what she feels for Charity, but she enjoyed the time they spent together. In the beginning anyway. 

He shakes his head in disbelief. 

“You came all this way to ask me that?” 

“Well you’re not exactly reachable by a simple phone call,” she replies a little testily. 

His hands twist and turn in his lap. He bows his head. 

“Why? Why now?” 

Vanessa values honesty. She believes it to be the best course of action. So she dives in. 

“I’m with someone. And she loves Johnny. And we…” 

“She?” Kirin snarls. “Don’t tell me Rhona finally gave in!” 

It’s mean but it’s expected. Vanessa goes to answer, but a voice rings out behind them.

“Not even close, pal.” 

Kirin turns around and his mouth hangs open. 

“Charity Dingle?!” He scoffs as he gets up. “You’re with her? You?” 

Charity strolls down the aisle like she doesn’t have a care in the world. Vanessa has to admire the sheer confidence, even if the interruption is unwarranted. 

“Engaged, thank you very much,” Charity replies. 

The insolence in her voice bolsters Vanessa up. Makes her feel big. 

Kirin shakes his head like he’s trying to wake up from a nightmare. He gets up. 

“I can’t deal with this right now,” he mumbles. 

Vanessa stares as he all but runs out of the theatre, Charity making space for him with an exaggerated step aside. 

“That went well,” Charity quips. 

It is fitting that the confrontation took place in a theatre, Vanessa muses. 

“Not too bad, actually. He’s under shock.” 

“Well, it’s not like he can run away this time.” 

They leave Kirin well alone the next two days. Charity figures he has things to think through, and insisting would only spook him further. 

So in an effort to distract themselves, they join the ship excursions. They board a dinghy and meet penguins on the ice sheet. They take photos of chubby seals that Charity knows Moses will love. The visits on the ice are tightly regulated, but the strict guidelines can’t hamper the exhilaration Charity feels. 

It’s like they are on the Moon. The landscapes are so alien. The ice is alive under their feet. It cracks and groans. It blinds them. 

On their way back from visiting an elephant seal colony, they see humpback whales feeding in the distance. They are so close they can hear the water move around them, and when spouts surge out of the water, Vanessa almost startles off her seat. 

The beauty surrounding them is nearly enough to make them forget why they are here. But penguins, although cute, can’t completely get rid of their anxieties. 

Their fourth night, Charity finds herself wide awake besides Vanessa. She tosses and turns until she can’t take it anymore. She gets dressed again in silence and slips out of the room. 

The bar is nearly empty. The excursions wiped everybody out. Charity orders a whiskey neat and brings it to a table in the back. She drinks a hearty swig, eager for the alcohol to work its magic. 

“This seat taken?” 

Charity frowns and turns, about to send whoever is disturbing her packing, but it’s Kirin. She holds in her surprise and nods towards the empty chair opposite her. 

“Trouble in paradise?” He asks with a little bite to his tone. 

Charity scoffs. “Dropped the Frank Sinatra routine?” She quips back. 

He’s in a simple polo shirt and khakis, his name badge on his chest. 

“So…Peter, is it? Original,” Charity says with an eye roll. 

“Oh I’m sorry, am I too boring for the great Charity Dingle? Want me to steal diamonds? Or jack a few cars?” 

“I’m a respectable business woman these days, I’ll have you know.” 

Kirin’s lips thin. “Yeah right.” 

“Scouts honor,” Charity promises with a hand up. “Happened just after you left, but I own the Woolpack with Chas now.” Her eyes narrow. “Besides, it’s not like I ever killed anyone.” 

Kirin drops the attitude and looks down to the table. 

“And you and Ness, huh?” 

Charity suddenly feels like she’s in a job interview. At 1 am on a ship cruising the western coast of Antarctica. Well, she thinks as she straightens in her chair, fake it til you make it. 

“Yeah. Three years now. Got engaged last year.” 

Kirin whistles under his breath. 

“I mean I knew that Vanessa, like, maybe was interested in women, especially after the whole Rhona thing, but…” 

Charity stays quiet, a finger tracing the rim of her glass. 

“But with you? What do you have in common?” 

Charity scoffs. So many people have asked her that question. Busybodies with too much time on their hands. Busybodies whose own relationship failed when hers and Vanessa’s thrived. 

“We make each other laugh. And we enjoy spending time together. It’s not about both liking tennis and walks on the beach, it’s…supporting each other when things get tough. It’s about accepting the other person for who they are.” 

This she says with great conviction, because that is what she learned being in a relationship with Vanessa. That she deserves love, and to be loved for who she is, not an ideal. Not a femme fatale or a scammer, or whatever people think she is. She doesn’t need to wear a façade with Vanessa. All she needs to do is be honest with her. Which she’s still learning to do, but she’s doing much better in her humble opinion. 

“So you’re telling me Vanessa, Miss Prim and Proper, enjoys it when you wheedle money out of people?” Kirin asks, disbelief obvious on his face. 

Charity sighs. She’d love nothing more than to get up and whack Kirin over the head, but this isn’t just about her. 

“No, she doesn’t. She’s a good’un, Vanessa is. But she doesn’t expect miracles, and we work at it. And again, I’m not exactly a character in Grand Theft Auto.” She’s proud of that reference, and silently thanks Noah. “In fact, Vanessa is so good that she won’t blackmail you into doing this. She won’t call the police. I would. I would do it in a heartbeat.” 

Kirin bites the inside of his cheek and avoids her eyes. At least he’s showing some remorse over what he’s done. 

“I know you would. And I know she’s good.”

“She is. She’s raised that kid on her own for almost 5 years. And he’s brilliant, Johnny is. But Vanessa wants him to have a second parent. It ain’t fair for her to have to be on her own.”

Kirin nods, drums his fingers on the tabletop. 

“Why now though?” 

Charity looks away. Unbidden, an image of Vanessa being sick pops into her head. How thin and waned she looked. How terrified Charity had felt. Months after months of anxiety and sadness. 

“Was she…? Was she sick or something?” Kirin all but whispers. 

“Cancer.” The word is spat out like a curse. “It was bad.” 

Kirin exhales like he’s been punched. 

“She could have died. And then Johnny would have had no one. Because Kirin,” Charity leans forward, eyes steely. “You’re not there. You’ve fucked off to the other end of the world. And you can’t come back.” 

He crosses his arms on his chest. “I’m still his dad,” he says stubbornly, like a child. 

“What does he like to eat in the morning?” Charity asks without missing a beat. Kirin stays silent. “What’s his favorite story? What’s the toy he prefers in the bath? Is Dinosaur Day Wednesday or Thursday? And what about his friends? Do you know any of them?” She asks relentlessly. 

Every word makes Kirin hunch his shoulders further and further. 

“Look, just think about him, yeah? I love that kid. And the past few months have been tough. Vanessa…she won’t tell you because she’s proud, but she was terrified of dying and leaving Johnny behind.” 

“What if he asks who is father is?” 

Charity empties her glass in one go and stands up. She looks down at Kirin. 

“Well, I guess what you decide to do will determine that answer.” 

She leaves him to his thoughts. Vanessa is still asleep when she slips back into bed. This time, Charity finds it much easier to fall asleep. She’s fought her corner and now she’s at peace. 

The next day, their final full day on the ship, they sail through Drake Passage on their way back to Ushuaia. There are icebergs the size of their vessel dotting the horizon, huge dark silhouettes in the setting sun. 

All day, Vanessa has itched to seek out Kirin. She can’t take not knowing any longer. They are so close to their goal. 

After dinner she tells Charity she’s going for a walk around the ship to tire herself out. She’s so full of nervous energy that she can’t imagine she’ll fall asleep anytime soon. 

She’s on her second loop of the main deck when Kirin falls into step with her. She startles but stays silent, and a few minutes pass before Kirin turns to her. 

“Charity talked to me yesterday.”

“I know, she told me.” 

“She doesn’t mince her words,” Kirin says with a twist of his mouth. 

Vanessa laughs. “No she doesn’t. One of the things I love about her.” 

“And you do? Love her?” 

“Yes. Yes, I do. Very much. “

Kirin stops when they reach the observation lounge at the prow of the deck. They sit opposite each other. 

“And she loves Johnny?” Kirin probes. 

“She does,” Vanessa says slowly, trying not to get too excited or hopeful. “She’s cared for him for years now, and she’s his family. He has brothers and a loving home. We just want to make it official in case…”

“In case the cancer comes back.” Kirin finishes. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.” 

He pauses, his jaw working from side to side. 

“I know I haven’t been in touch with him. That he doesn’t know me. But…I’m still his father, even if that’s only in name. If I sign my rights away, will you let me see him? In the future, I mean. When I come back one day, or when he’s old enough to travel?” 

Vanessa exhales and closes her eyes for a moment. The relief she feels is overwhelming. It’s like a warm light that fills her entire body. 

“Yes. I’m not going to erase you, Kirin. He’s going to ask about you one day. I’ll save the details for when he’s older, but he will know about you.” 

Kirin nods and his chin trembles. It’s only when Vanessa sees tears on his hands that she realizes he’s crying. 

“I am so sorry, Vanessa. For what happened and what I did. For how I left,” he says, his voice breaking on the last word. 

She doesn’t go to him because that’s not her job anymore. She does pat his hand awkwardly, though, because his apology is one she really needed to hear. It knits back something deep in her that was badly scarred. 

She watches him cry silently, his head still bowed over his hands. The ship sails on, and each mile brings her closer to home where Johnny waits and where Charity and her family can have a fresh start. 

The last night on board, Charity accompanies Vanessa to Kirin’s cabin to sign the papers. Part of her still can’t believe it’s really happening. That Vanessa is giving her this gift, is trusting her this much with someone so precious to her. 

As they walk down to hallway, Vanessa slips her hand in the crook of her elbow and looks up at her, eyes shining with happiness. 

“So, we made it,” she says with a spring in her step. 

“We did, kid,” Charity replies with a bad American accent. 

Vanessa laughs and puts her head on Charity’s shoulder until they get to Kirin’s door. 

When he opens the door there’s a moment of awkwardness. What do you say to someone who’s essentially giving away the son he never had? They shuffle in, immediately cramped in the small staff cabin. At least he has a desk wedged between a bed and a wardrobe, and that’s where Vanessa sets the thick pile of documents. 

He motions to his bed so that’s where they both sit, thighs touching. 

“The red markers are where you’re meant to sign,” Vanessa tells him softly. 

He nods. Grabs a pen. His eyes move quickly up and down the first few pages. 

“Abandonment?” He says when he reaches the paragraph where causes are set out. 

Charity swallows past a dry throat. Vanessa is very still next to her. She raises her chin and looks at Kirin straight in the eye. 

“Yes. Abandonment.” 

Kirin nods and Charity sees his hand tremble on the desk. He signs at the bottom of that page. Charity breathes out slowly and snakes an arm around Vanessa’s lower back.

“And that’s… what’s this part here with Charity’s name?” Kirin asks after minute. 

“It’s the adoption section. Where Charity is named as the second parent,” Vanessa explains. 

Charity can hear a strange roaring in her ears. Beads of sweat roll down her back. This is it. This is the moment where it’s official. Of course a family court still needs to approve all of this, but their solicitor made it clear that with Kirin’s signature it would be a mere formality. 

Kirin looks up at them. There’s a second where everything hangs in the balance and where Charity doesn’t dare to breathe. 

He signs. 

Charity feels tears in her eyes and she clears her throat and hides her face in her hair. She’s too exposed all of a sudden, too raw. Like her heart is on the outside of her chest, vulnerable and so easy to hurt. 

Dimly, she hears Vanessa thank Kirin and promise him they won’t tell anyone where he is. Her head is full of cotton. Even her limbs feel heavy. Vanessa almost has to drag her out of the room. 

In the quiet of the hallway, Vanessa makes her walk a few steps and then props her up against the wall. Charity wants to complain, brush her off, but her knees do feel weak. 

“Hey. Hey. Look at me.” 

Charity shakes her hands to get rid of the zappy feeling in the fingertips. Is she hyperventilating? She’s finding it hard to breathe. 

“Oh god, Ness. Am I having a heart attack? What are the symptoms? Tasting pennies in the mouth isn’t it?” 

Vanessa shushes her and makes her sit on the floor, head between the knees. 

“Breathe with me. In and Out. In. And out. Good. And again,” she says soothingly. 

It helps. Charity focuses on Vanessa’s voice. On the hand on her back. 

“Oh Christ. What was that?” Charity asks when she can breathe again. 

Vanessa is next to her on her knees. Her eyes are soft. They have a watery sheen making them the most brilliant blue. She is so very beautiful, Charity thinks a little dopily. 

“I think the tension freaked you out.” 

“Yeah. God, for a second I thought he wouldn’t…” Charity says. 

Vanessa draws her into a hug. Her jasmine scent soothes her. 

“I know! But he did. We did it.” Vanessa kisses her. Once. Twice. “We did it.” 

Charity laughs. Or cries. Both. It’s hard to separate the joy and the relief leaking out of her. And then Vanessa starts crying too and they are two big messes full of snot and brilliant smiles. 

Four children born and raised in Yorkshire. One gained in Antarctica. 

“This is going to make quite the story for Johnnybobs.” 

Vanessa wipes her eyes and laughs. 

Back in their room, with only one bedside lamp on, Vanessa shuts the door with a foot and takes Charity into her arms. They stand there and sway slowly, Charity breathing in Vanessa, her face in her neck.

“Thank you. For doing this with me. For me. For all these months when you cared for me. I couldn’t have done any of it without you,” Vanessa whispers. 

Charity kisses her neck, slides her hands on her back to hold her even closer. 

“Are you kidding, babe? Thank you for giving me this. No one has ever…” Her voice chokes.

No one has ever trusted or loved Charity this much, is what she wants to say. Vanessa cradles her face in her hands and kisses her, and there is no need for words between them. 

Not tonight. 

Tonight they kiss and kiss again. Charity luxuriates in the feel of Vanessa’s mouth, the plushness of her lips, the way her hands fit perfectly in the curve of Vanessa’s waist. 

Charity walks backwards until they bump into the bed and they fall, Vanessa on top. They laugh, breathless, and Charity gasps when Vanessa lowers herself to take her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“I want to make you feel so good,” Vanessa says between kisses, her hips grinding into Charity’s belly. “Because you are so, so good.” 

It’s not like Vanessa has never said those words to Charity before. She has. Every time Charity has a wobble. That she’s a good mother. A good partner.

But Charity thinks she likes it best when Vanessa says it in bed. Her voice gets this raspy quality that makes Charity want to claw the sheets. 

She does away with Vanessa’s ponytail and sinks her hands in her hair, drawing Vanessa even closer. She can taste Vanessa’s lipstick, the expensive one she wears when they go out. It doesn’t taste of anything in particular, just of money. It makes Charity dizzy. 

Vanessa manages to unbutton her own shirt and Charity’s without stopping their kiss. If Charity wasn’t already so keen she would have made a smart comment, but Vanessa is panting in her mouth and Charity really wants to make her come apart. 

It’s easy to distract Vanessa in bed. She likes to have her neck kissed. And there’s a spot under her ear that drives her crazy. 

In no time at all, Vanessa is moaning against her temple, her hands clutching at Charity’s shoulders. Charity has to hide her smirk in Vanessa’s hair. 

She unbuckles Vanessa’s sensible belt. The sound of the leather against the metal makes her shudder. Vanessa is making soft whimpering noises, her hips still grinding. When Charity unbuttons her jeans, she draws back and her eyes are wild, her lipstick smudged. 

Charity slips her hand between Vanessa’s legs and Vanessa bucks, a cry escaping her lips. She is so wet there is barely any friction, and Charity sits up to bring them closer, to sink her fingers deeper into her. 

She can barely breathe as Vanessa loops her arms around her neck and lets out a choked gasp that she feels all the way down to her toes. Vanessa is generous with her feedback. It makes her a joyous partner, responsive and flattering to Charity’s ever growing ego. Charity feels like some sort of sex goddess. The sounds she can get Vanessa to make. The way Vanessa’s body responds to her. It’s intoxicating. She never wants to stop. 

Vanessa is riding her fingers with her bottom lip between her teeth and she’s never looked more beautiful. Charity kisses her, pouring in it her relief, her love, everything she has. 

Vanessa throws her head back and comes, her mouth open in a soundless cry. Charity gathers her in her arms and they collapse onto the mattress, breathless.

“You…you seduced me!” Vanessa exclaims, sounding so offended that Charity bursts into laughter. 

“Didn’t take much, babe. You’re dead easy.” 

She cackles when Vanessa wrestles out of her embrace and hits her on the arm. 

“Rude!” Vanessa squawks. It would be far more effective if she wasn’t half undressed and flushed. “Well I think I’m going to go have a celebratory pint and leave you here, then.” 

Vanessa goes as far as the foot of the bed before Charity pounces on her, laughing and jostling until Vanessa ends up under her, her eyes bright and happy. 

“I love you,” Charity says suddenly. 

It’s very important that Vanessa knows this. The words seem too small to mean something so big. Charity wishes there were better words, but when Vanessa smiles that soft smile she only ever uses with her, Charity knows Vanessa understands. 

“I love you too.” 

Charity kisses her nice and slowly. They have the whole night. 

Outside their cabin the ship sails on, dark waves crashing on the hull. Land is not far. And home gets closer and closer.


	5. Emmerdale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this and liked it and left a comment! I had the best time writing it! 
> 
> I'm on twitter and tumblr if you want to flail at our favorite duo! @sassyrequin

5\. Emmerdale. 

They just wave at Kirin the next day as they disembark. It’s a little awkward because it’s not like there’s a card that says “I adopted your kid because you’re useless, you’re welcome.” Charity is glad to see the back of the guy, and hopes she never sees him again. 

Vanessa is subdued in the taxi on the way back to the airport. They have a flight for Buenos Aires, a short wait, and then the long haul back to London before connecting onwards to Leeds. It’s almost 24 hours of travelling all in all. Worth every single minute, Charity thinks as she clutches the bag containing the signed documents. 

She slips her fingers through Vanessa’s and squeezes. It’s enough to get Vanessa to stop looking out the window and to focus on her with a tired smile. 

“Hey kid, we made it,” she tries with the same bad American accent as yesterday. 

Vanessa nods and shifts closer so that their thighs touch. 

“Yeah. Sorry, I just feel…it’s strange. I thought I would be bouncing off the walls. I just really want to go home now.” Charity kisses her forehead. “Kirin has been hanging over our heads for so long, and now that it’s over it’s…”

Vanessa trails off, her voice small. 

“Underwhelming? Just like Kirin really.” That does the trick. Vanessa snorts and swats her shoulder. “And we’re seeing the kids tomorrow. And we are going to throw Johnny the biggest party in the history of parties.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Oh yeah. The little lad won’t know what hit him. I’m getting a bouncy castle in,” Charity decides on the spot. 

Vanessa is laughing now. “For you or the kids?”

“Oi!” Charity replies, mock offended. “For me, obviously.” 

Vanessa laughs even harder, all trace of melancholy gone. Mission accomplished, Charity thinks as she tries to dodge Vanessa’s tickling fingers. The cabbie must think they’re mad. He’s too preoccupied by the footie on the radio, though, so Vanessa manages to swat her thigh and Charity lets her because she likes the way Vanessa’s eyes sparkle. 

The flights home are brutal. There’s no way around it. Vanessa manages to sleep a bit during the Buenos Aires-London leg, but not nearly enough. She’s too wired. She wants Johnny in her arms. Wants to hold him and kiss him and never let him go. 

Charity sleeps almost the entirety of the long haul flight, but then she distracts Vanessa by showing her photos of their trip and running a commentary in the voice of a cricket announcer. 

It’s enough until they’re in the taxi from Leeds to Emmerdale. She’s almost vibrating with excitement, Charity gently ribbing her until she stops jiggling her leg up and down. 

The car barely stops before Vanessa rips the door open and jumps out. Charity throws a wad of cash behind her with a hasty apology. “Oh I’ll just grab the bags then, shall I?” She huffs as she wrestles with their suitcases. 

Vanessa is already at the door, rummaging in her bag for the keys. Before she can even find them, the door opens with a bang and Johnny and Moses appear and shriek and jump in her arms. Tracy runs after them and joins the huddle, smiling and laughing. She grabs Charity and smashes her face against her neck. “I missed you so much!” Charity feels warm and happy. “Mummy! Mummy! We made a DINOSAUR!” Moses yells to her knee, his little hands digging into her hips until she crouches down to him to accept wet kisses. He smells of laundry and home. “Is that right?”

“Yeah! A huge one! With teeth! And spikes! And Johnny did the spikes and I did the teeth!” 

Johnny is hanging onto Vanessa’s neck with a grip that must hurt her, but Vanessa’s eyes are closed and she’s smiling. Over her shoulder, Johnny looks at Charity, and he extends a hand to touch her face. 

“Mummy Charity, I want to show you the dinosaur,” he says quietly. 

Her heart grows three sizes in two seconds. He’s mine, she thinks as she kisses his cheek. Mine. And she’s his too. Forever. 

When everyone finally goes to bed it’s after hours of story telling and clingy hugs. Mainly from Vanessa who can’t seem to stop looking at Johnny or touching him. Tracy did a good job looking after the two boys. Their routine is still in place. Charity does bath time and does the voices of the boys’ dinosaur book when they’re tucked in bed. She sits on the floor with her back to the nightstand in the middle of their twin beds. When she turns her head form side to side, she can see their eyes trained on her like she’s the only thing in the world. 

When the book is finished, Vanessa leaves from her spot in the doorway. Charity watches as she turns the night lamp on, a silly little owl that the boys called Blathers. She crouches on her knees and kisses Moses’ forehead. Charity smiles when Moses hums sleepily. 

She listens to Vanessa wish him a good night, that she loves him and missed him so much. It’s pleasant background noise as Charity turns to Johnny. His eyes shine in the lamp light. 

“Good night, Johnnybobs,” she whispers. She kisses his cheek and he blinks, soft with sleep. “I’ll make you your toast tomorrow,” she promises. 

“I want bunny shapes,” he demands, his voice already slurred. 

“I’ll make the bunnies.” 

“Night, mummy.” 

Charity sniffs, her eyes wet. She clears her throat. “Good night, love.” 

When Charity emerges from the bathroom, bone tired, Vanessa is already in bed. She must have already put her lotion on, the room smells of jasmine. Charity slips into bed with a relieved sigh. Her back is killing her. Those airplane seats are murder and should be banned under the Geneva convention. 

“God. I can’t believe we’re home,” Vanessa says as she snuggles under the duvet. Charity hums, her eyes closing. She hears Vanessa laugh. The light goes off and the room goes dark. “You’re a good holiday buddy, you know?” 

Charity opens her eyes with a smile. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah. Very good hotel selection. Excellent food options,” Vanessa lists, inching closer and closer until she’s plastered to Charity’s side. 

“Five out of five?” Charity asks wryly. She doesn’t feel as tired anymore. Vanessa slips a thigh over her hips. 

Vanessa laughs softly in her ear and it makes Charity’s skin erupt in goose bumps. 

“Oh definitely. 100 percent. Would recommend to a friend,” Vanessa says, her voice low and sultry. 

They kiss slowly, ensconced in the familiarity of their bed and their room. The room that Charity had painted in two days, a soft blue to soothe their anxieties during the chemo. She’d bought yellow cushions for the armchair in the corner, and Vanessa had liked it so much she’d cried and called Charity a soft mare. 

Charity slips a hand under Vanessa’s top. She can’t count Vanessa’s ribs anymore. There is only soft flesh under her palm, and when she grazes Vanessa’s breast with her knuckles, Vanessa sucks in a shaky breath. 

She makes love to Vanessa slowly, her fingers light and soft between Vanessa’s legs. She swallows every whimper that comes out of Vanessa’s mouth in heated kisses. The need to be quiet after two weeks of being alone is a turn on, and Charity can’t help but grind against Vanessa’s thigh, the friction enough to make her gasp. 

She mouths at Vanessa’s pulse point, her teeth grazing at the skin there until Vanessa stiffens, her back arched off the mattress. She hides a moan in Charity’s hair. She is so open and beautiful and it makes Charity tumble over the edge after her, eyes squeezed shut and flushed all over. 

Boneless, Charity collapses on top of Vanessa with an undignified “oof”. 

“Haven’t lost my Yorkshire touch then, eh?” 

Vanessa snorts, but she’s too exhausted to retaliate. Too exhausted to even put her pyjamas back on. 

They fall asleep, naked. The last thing Charity remembers to do is to put an alarm on for the morning so that the boys don’t find them without a stitch on. 

In the end Charity does get her bouncy castle. She finds one with towers and turrets that takes a whole morning to inflate. She invites the whole village. Gets Marlon to do the food, sends Sam into town to get the booze. Forces Noah to wear his good shirt, and tells Sarah to text everyone over. 

The house is full to bursting, the garden too. Noah opened his bedroom window so that the music can be heard from his speakers, and the teens gathered around one of the tables look less sullen than usual. It’s a clear day, so people can bask in the weak December sun. 

The little ones are jumping in the bouncy castle, shrieks of laughter erupting out every five seconds. Jimmy is in there with the entire under-8 population of Emmerdale, and by the sounds of it he’s getting bullied. 

Charity pauses as she brings out another platter of mini quiches. Everyone she knows is here, pretty much. And people seem genuinely happy for her. For Johnny. Not one glib comment about motherhood, even from Nicola or Diane. Even Brenda, who has an opinion on just about everything, just clapped a hand on her shoulder and told her “good job”. 

The source of all of this is just ahead of her. Vanessa is talking to Tracy and Leyla, smiling at something her sister is saying. 

“So you got yourself another one, then?” 

Charity feels her jaw tense. She doesn’t bother turning around. Cain is slouched against the wall by the banner that reads “Congratulations Johnny!” 

“Well, had to keep one ahead of you, didn’t I?” Charity slings back.

Cain looks at her, eyes narrowed for a second, before he cracks a smile. 

“Hey you never know, might have another kid out there too.” 

“I think one a year is enough, and you’ve made that quota for 2020.” 

It’s ridiculous, how their lives have developed. The highs, the lows. The ways they have hurt each other. All to end up here, in this back garden, surrounded by everyone they have always known. 

“Well, the lad is lucky,” Cain says after a swig of his beer. Charity starts to smile. “Try not to screw him up, yeah?” 

He leaves with a nod, leaving Charity to roll her eyes. He needs to get back with Moira, like yesterday. When she looks back towards Vanessa, she finds her already looking at her. 

There’s a fondness in Vanessa’s eyes that warms Charity up. As if Vanessa was her own personal ray of sunshine. A younger version of herself would have laughed at the idea of making eyes at someone like a loved up fool. But she doesn’t feel like a fool when she looks at Vanessa. She feels lucky. So incredibly lucky. 

Tracy drags Vanessa over to talk to Victoria and to coo over Harry. The noises of the party come roaring back. The screeches from the bouncy castle. The conversations from her friends and family and neighbors. Noah’s terrible music. 

All her life she’s felt like there was always something better. Even when she had a roof over her head and a semblance of normality, her brain would tell her she could get more. More money, more safety, more more more. For the first time in her life, that itch is gone. She doesn’t need anything else. She has her kids, including Johnny. And she has Vanessa. 

As the sun reappears from behind a cloud, the light hits Vanessa as she turns. Her eyes seek Charity across their guests. When they find her, she smiles a wide toothy smile, and Charity feels a love so strong she’s surprised everyone else can carry on as normal around them. 

She takes a few steps towards Vanessa, slips an arm around her waist and kisses her forehead. 

Complete. That’s how she feels.


End file.
